I don't have one.
Oh, I have the kid's lists, I have the 'Ridiculous Things I Want' list, but for once in my grown up life, I don't have a 'to do' list.
I've been busy, overwhelmed with life. There are a million things I need to be doing, and a list would indeed be helpful. But I don't have one, and I don't want one. I have my permission to go without a list.
I want to have coffee with a friend Friday morning, so I scheduled it. Noelle might come along.
I want to enjoy baking cookies with the girls and friends on Saturday morning, and my pantry is stocked. So I scheduled it.
I am going to worship with Christmas music on Saturday night and Sunday at church. Hey! I'm the one playing it! No plans, no set list. I'm just going to go and do.
Next week, I'm watching movies during the day and wrapping presents during nap-time. I will be done by Tuesday.
There is still a bit of shopping to do, but I really don't know what else I need. I'll know after I'm done wrapping on Tuesday.
You know what I am going to do? I am going to enjoy my girls, read stories, watch Elf & A Christmas Carol, we will sing together silly songs, decorate cookies and eat way too many. We will hide gifts from one another. We will play with the nativities and read the story over and over. This is the time of life to cherish, not the list.
See? My no list Christmas is going to be SA-WEET!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
November Evening
Today was busy. Today was internally busy, today was externally busy.
I took time out to spend with my husband.
Funny how a boy from Chicago can grab my soul with his love of my heritage in the country. We walked through the thick mud of a freshly turned field. In the twilight, he carried Cocopugs and I carried little Belle. CB lost her shoes. (pink ballet flats belong in a muddy field) We walked one behind the other, searching and scanning in precious daylight. Once on the other side, the girls and I headed down to the river while he continued to look. He is so aware of what he does in the woods and fields, so aware of the animal that he lost. His obligation is to finish what he started, respect the process. This man that I love yelled across the grasses to the river for me. I grabbed small bodies, cool hands and followed his voice to find him pulling a beautiful large deer from the brush.
Yesterday morning he came home from his hunt with tales of six bucks pursuing one doe. He observed quietly from a not perfect angle, and as he was pulling his first shot, another deer entered the area and the instant was lost. He wasn't able to see clearly the deer he was after, but quickly pulled another shot and nicked the animal. He searched for his arrows to account for what happened and could only find one barely bloody arrow. He watched the buck lick its neck and then bound away into the brush. He thought he'd missed and the arrow had gone into the river behind.
Today, his good buddy was hunting the same area and came across a 9 point buck with a clean arrow wound to his neck, and a nick on the thigh. Pat asked us to come with him to find it, and so our adventure went. He thanked his daughters and wife for caring enough to tromp through the field and search with him.
All a part of the treasure and journey with him.
I hope I feed his soul as clearly as he feeds mine.
I took time out to spend with my husband.
Funny how a boy from Chicago can grab my soul with his love of my heritage in the country. We walked through the thick mud of a freshly turned field. In the twilight, he carried Cocopugs and I carried little Belle. CB lost her shoes. (pink ballet flats belong in a muddy field) We walked one behind the other, searching and scanning in precious daylight. Once on the other side, the girls and I headed down to the river while he continued to look. He is so aware of what he does in the woods and fields, so aware of the animal that he lost. His obligation is to finish what he started, respect the process. This man that I love yelled across the grasses to the river for me. I grabbed small bodies, cool hands and followed his voice to find him pulling a beautiful large deer from the brush.
Yesterday morning he came home from his hunt with tales of six bucks pursuing one doe. He observed quietly from a not perfect angle, and as he was pulling his first shot, another deer entered the area and the instant was lost. He wasn't able to see clearly the deer he was after, but quickly pulled another shot and nicked the animal. He searched for his arrows to account for what happened and could only find one barely bloody arrow. He watched the buck lick its neck and then bound away into the brush. He thought he'd missed and the arrow had gone into the river behind.
Today, his good buddy was hunting the same area and came across a 9 point buck with a clean arrow wound to his neck, and a nick on the thigh. Pat asked us to come with him to find it, and so our adventure went. He thanked his daughters and wife for caring enough to tromp through the field and search with him.
All a part of the treasure and journey with him.
I hope I feed his soul as clearly as he feeds mine.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Thankful
This morning smells like hope.
Ok it really smells like toddlers, fruit loops and coffee here at the kitchen table.
It's a rare day and I want to enjoy it fully. Pat is working today and I have a clean calendar with a couple of things to do, a paper to write and three girls to hang out with. We are working together today to prepare for the season ahead, we will rest together and laugh together. I am hoping we will not fight together.
This week has been difficult. **DISCLAIMER**(massive understatement- this week resulted in a panic attack of epic proportions including meltdown, temper tantrums and crying. That wasn't the kids) I have observed people who struggle with the same issues over and over, and I know it is true for me. I feel my issues are magnified when I'm under stress. And this week has pushed my stress to new heights. Expectations for the children and home are not being met; my husband is picking up a lot of slack and essentially working both at home and at work. I was in intense physical pain for a couple of days, and my understanding of coursework is not as clear as I'd like. In my distant past I relied on unhealthy methods to cope with stress, so learning a few new techniques is now a necessity. I found the help I needed (honestly, a kind Drs off- the- books care, little talk therapy, an afternoon of walking around in the sunshine barefoot did amazing things for my psyche) and I am reflective on the whole process. Again.
So the girls and I are working on our thanksgiving journal at the table and I am thankful this morning for the struggle. I am thankful that my life is not boring, not predictable, not perfect. I am thankful for complicated relationships worthy of hard work. Hope is present even when my patience wears thin. Disciplining myself to look toward the fruits of a good relationship pushes me to work through difficult times. I am thankful that I have maintained good relationships that could have been written off. I have seriously high maintenance friends, I am thankful for the work our relationships are because it deepens the bond we have together. What is life without relationship?
I am also thankful that my struggles are pretty consistent. Even when there is a curveball thrown in, I can still mostly pare them down to the common denominator and try not to lose my head over them. And when I do lose my head, at least I know where to look for it. Now let's get going on this beautiful day.
Ok it really smells like toddlers, fruit loops and coffee here at the kitchen table.
It's a rare day and I want to enjoy it fully. Pat is working today and I have a clean calendar with a couple of things to do, a paper to write and three girls to hang out with. We are working together today to prepare for the season ahead, we will rest together and laugh together. I am hoping we will not fight together.
This week has been difficult. **DISCLAIMER**(massive understatement- this week resulted in a panic attack of epic proportions including meltdown, temper tantrums and crying. That wasn't the kids) I have observed people who struggle with the same issues over and over, and I know it is true for me. I feel my issues are magnified when I'm under stress. And this week has pushed my stress to new heights. Expectations for the children and home are not being met; my husband is picking up a lot of slack and essentially working both at home and at work. I was in intense physical pain for a couple of days, and my understanding of coursework is not as clear as I'd like. In my distant past I relied on unhealthy methods to cope with stress, so learning a few new techniques is now a necessity. I found the help I needed (honestly, a kind Drs off- the- books care, little talk therapy, an afternoon of walking around in the sunshine barefoot did amazing things for my psyche) and I am reflective on the whole process. Again.
So the girls and I are working on our thanksgiving journal at the table and I am thankful this morning for the struggle. I am thankful that my life is not boring, not predictable, not perfect. I am thankful for complicated relationships worthy of hard work. Hope is present even when my patience wears thin. Disciplining myself to look toward the fruits of a good relationship pushes me to work through difficult times. I am thankful that I have maintained good relationships that could have been written off. I have seriously high maintenance friends, I am thankful for the work our relationships are because it deepens the bond we have together. What is life without relationship?
I am also thankful that my struggles are pretty consistent. Even when there is a curveball thrown in, I can still mostly pare them down to the common denominator and try not to lose my head over them. And when I do lose my head, at least I know where to look for it. Now let's get going on this beautiful day.
Friday, October 28, 2011
October Morning
At 2 AM Patrick and I both woke up for no real reason.
He heard me toss and turn then whispered 'hey are you up?'
'yup, but i don't wanna be'
'me either. your feet are finally warm'
And back to sleep.
At 5 AM my harp alarm went off and I was in the middle of a dream. AGGGHHHH!!!
At 6 AM I finally got out of bed, grabbed the laptop and am still in bed. I am supposed to be researching my project but I can't get motivated.
It's 7 AM and I must start my busy day.
This week has been too much.
Too much thinking, too much activity, too much drama.
This week has had too little.
Too little prayer, too little reflection, too little comfort.
This weekend offers no relief. We are heading up north and then back for teaching & church Sunday.
My project is due Sunday at 11:59PM.
I am craving a room of my own, guilt free study, clarity on issues of discernment, and a physically rested and calm body.
This is a marathon not a sprint.
So I'm going to lay it all down and claim the inspiration of the Holy Spirit: Hebrews 12: 1-3 Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!
He heard me toss and turn then whispered 'hey are you up?'
'yup, but i don't wanna be'
'me either. your feet are finally warm'
And back to sleep.
At 5 AM my harp alarm went off and I was in the middle of a dream. AGGGHHHH!!!
At 6 AM I finally got out of bed, grabbed the laptop and am still in bed. I am supposed to be researching my project but I can't get motivated.
It's 7 AM and I must start my busy day.
This week has been too much.
Too much thinking, too much activity, too much drama.
This week has had too little.
Too little prayer, too little reflection, too little comfort.
This weekend offers no relief. We are heading up north and then back for teaching & church Sunday.
My project is due Sunday at 11:59PM.
I am craving a room of my own, guilt free study, clarity on issues of discernment, and a physically rested and calm body.
This is a marathon not a sprint.
So I'm going to lay it all down and claim the inspiration of the Holy Spirit: Hebrews 12: 1-3 Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!
-The Message
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
My Current Obsession
And I'm procrastinating. But not really, because my paper isn't due until Sunday, and it's a reflection paper which means I have to think about what I've learned. I do believe I must ruminate on the subject a little while before I commit any words to paper.
I want to read Tolstoy- Anna Karenina is calling me, and mostly because of the first line:
"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Reading is so amazing because an engaging author can put you in any position with any character at different times in your life. After the loss of my first love, I felt like Anna, so hopeless in love. Now I identify with Kitty, content in domesticity but still (hopefully) complex. Sometimes I feel like Levin wanting to take care of everyone I meet. And I need to read it again because I remember it being such a big read when I was younger- I have a little more life under my belt and think I'd get more out of it this time around. What mysteries would it hold for me now? I think I've learned more about life reading about it than actually living it. And especially in this case, that's a good thing.
I want to read Tolstoy- Anna Karenina is calling me, and mostly because of the first line:
"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Reading is so amazing because an engaging author can put you in any position with any character at different times in your life. After the loss of my first love, I felt like Anna, so hopeless in love. Now I identify with Kitty, content in domesticity but still (hopefully) complex. Sometimes I feel like Levin wanting to take care of everyone I meet. And I need to read it again because I remember it being such a big read when I was younger- I have a little more life under my belt and think I'd get more out of it this time around. What mysteries would it hold for me now? I think I've learned more about life reading about it than actually living it. And especially in this case, that's a good thing.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Overwhelmed
This is just my first class in graduate school, and I find myself overwhelmed.
What does overwhelmed look like?
What does overwhelmed look like?
- A cold. A sore throat and a chest cough. Tired and tired.
- Strange obsessive behaviors with Facebook. Why am I checking it all the time? Because I am on the computer writing all the time. I might have to disable my account. I look at FB as the computer version of the break room- sometimes you go in there and someone has brought in donuts! Hurray! And sometimes you go in there to hide from doing any actual work. Unfortunately I have been using it to hide.
- An inability to keep up with my daily life. I had a meeting last night and completely forgot to reschedule my studio time. I was emailing parents at the last minute trying to reschedule for the weekend. Only one kid fell through the cracks, but I strive to maintain consistency for lessons. I have never forgotten to reschedule a night off in 12 years of teaching.
- An inability to keep up with home life. I find myself on the computer so much that I am neglecting the kids, not cooking, laundry is piling up, and I am not respecting my self imposed boundaries of working only while the kids are asleep. This is project week, so I should cut myself a little slack.
This is a journey, not a sprint. This is a journey, not a sprint. This is a journey, not a sprint.
On the upside, I really love the work. I love writing, I love revising, and I love thinking.
Ok. It's just this week. I can get through it.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
September Daybook
The first cold morning of the season is here!
I am.... snuggled up in my best chair with my favorite blanket wrapped around me. It was dark when I got up, but now the sun is playing with the trees, stretching long shadows across my street. It's going to be a gorgeous day.
I am.....trying to glean research papers for source work on my group project for school. Scholarly writing is a little dry, but even at that, I still find the subject fascinating. While I'm working, I can listen to Bach keyboard works, I can listen to Trio Sonatas, I cannot listen to songs. My brain bends too close to singing than thinking. I find myself breathing in phrases and then humming, and then completely distracted and done.
I am.....listening to german art songs, hence the blog post vs the researching. Now there are small people up getting zucchini bread (kunni bread as Bity calls it) and ready for breakfast.
I can't wait to walk the kids to school, have a hot cup of tea and enjoy today.
I am.... snuggled up in my best chair with my favorite blanket wrapped around me. It was dark when I got up, but now the sun is playing with the trees, stretching long shadows across my street. It's going to be a gorgeous day.
I am.....trying to glean research papers for source work on my group project for school. Scholarly writing is a little dry, but even at that, I still find the subject fascinating. While I'm working, I can listen to Bach keyboard works, I can listen to Trio Sonatas, I cannot listen to songs. My brain bends too close to singing than thinking. I find myself breathing in phrases and then humming, and then completely distracted and done.
I am.....listening to german art songs, hence the blog post vs the researching. Now there are small people up getting zucchini bread (kunni bread as Bity calls it) and ready for breakfast.
I can't wait to walk the kids to school, have a hot cup of tea and enjoy today.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Kindergarten Blues
I have mixed feelings about kindergarten.
Ms Cocopugs is a sensitive child, a sweet child with a grand imagination. She plays independently and creates worlds of her own. She pretends to read really big books along with her big sister, and she does recite from memory lots of little books to N.
Am I doing the right thing? Is this the environment for a sensitive child? Can't I have her at home with me for one more year?
Ms Cocopugs is a sensitive child, a sweet child with a grand imagination. She plays independently and creates worlds of her own. She pretends to read really big books along with her big sister, and she does recite from memory lots of little books to N.
CB had an annual Dr visit today and her return to school coincided with lunch. Being the health wise mother that I am, I picked up McD's Happy Meals with fries & chocolate milk and had lunch with my best little girls.
Lunch in elementary school is loud.
Really really loud.
The principle is loud and extremely direct.
Usually Ms Pugs is right in with the loud, happy and chatting, trying to open food, eat and socialize.
Today she just wanted to talk to her mama and it was too loud.
She cried. I wanted to cry. She begged me to take her home. I so much wanted to. She settled for the playground and N and I walked away.
Am I doing the right thing? Is this the environment for a sensitive child? Can't I have her at home with me for one more year?
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Art Institute
3:00 AM: Online looking at maps of how exactly to park at the Art Institute of Chicago, and then floor plans of the exhibits. I had recommendations to check out American Art & Impressionists, and also I needed to see the sculptures and textiles. Back to bed for another couple hours of rest.
6:00 AM: Up and dressed to water outside and take in the recycling. Home again to pack everything up, then get the small people up, fed, showered and dressed. Remembered to grab Monet plate books, a watercolor book and the Seurat picture book. A cup of tea for the road, some extra guests and we're off!
8:30 AM: On the road. Coldplay, Zeppelin, Fiona, Feist, Wheezer & Blues Brothers. I have to put on the soundtrack right about I-55 & the exit to 294- it gets us to the loop right about the time Sweet Home Chicago starts. There's something to that music and the Sears Tower.
11:00 AM: Park, Park Park, Stand in Line, Stand in Line, Stand in Line. Patient children are sketching pictures of the IBM Building, the people around us, and Cocopugs is drawing a scene with Carrot people. Yes, Carrot people.
11-12:30: Walk into the Lower level south wing: American Art until 1900. Breathe deeply at the lovely sculpture room preceding the exhibit. Ahhh.... The older children sketch pictures of sculptures and portraits, the college girl takes photos with her fancy pants camera, I walk in front of people, and I am really looking looking looking at the pictures. A guard gently stops me "please don't let your child touch the lines." Ok. Cocopugs asks where the playroom is. Temper tantrum due to no playroom and realization that her day will consist of looking at pictures, furniture and cloth.
12:30: LUNCH. a lovely afternoon of delicious and small bites. We all left still hungry. Made the grumpy Cocopugs smile when I gave her the camera and told her to start snapping photos of the bold and hungry duck hanging out around us. Belly Baby sat at the table like a big girl drinking water out of a big girl glass and smiling like the Cheshire Cat. CB drew a textured picture of an alligator- I knew all those episodes of Swamp People would pay off somehow. Our sweet guests charmed us with their smiles and wonderful conversation. Bonds were made, fun was had by all.
1:00-2: Impressionists. It was like I walked into a room of old friends who were just there waiting for me to say hi! and WOW your color is GREAT! I've been looking at prints of these paintings my whole life and to see their real colors, the brushstrokes of the masters, the personality of each artist shining beautifully was overwhelming. I decided then and there that while I love love love having the kids and guests with me, I am going to treat myself sometime soon to a solo trip to Chi-town and the Art Institute so I can really sit and look. And breathe.
Now the best story of the day: Miss Cocopugs was feeling better after lunch, but still a little bothered by the whole thing. We looked at all the Impressionists, and she sat beside Belly Baby in the stroller and looked at books. We brought along a nice little book called Sunday with Seurat. It's a book we've had forever- sort of eaten around the edges, obviously well loved. We stepped into the room with 'Sunday on La Grande Jatte' and she jumped out of her seat yelling "it's here! ITS HERE! Mom! Do you see how big the picture is? Look at the ladies! Look at the dogs!" and on and on. Baby Belle noticed the monkey and dog right away, and we saw the little girl with her mama and the umbrella. That picture made the whole day for Coco. Art Matters.
2:30 PM: If you would have passed us on the road, you would have seen a middle-aged mama hoppin to FloRida, Britney, Justin and Plain White T's. And after Ice Cream, you would have seen a car of quiet sleepy kids, and heard a lovely Chopin Mazurka.
It was a lovely day with wonderful people. Can't wait to do it again soon!
6:00 AM: Up and dressed to water outside and take in the recycling. Home again to pack everything up, then get the small people up, fed, showered and dressed. Remembered to grab Monet plate books, a watercolor book and the Seurat picture book. A cup of tea for the road, some extra guests and we're off!
8:30 AM: On the road. Coldplay, Zeppelin, Fiona, Feist, Wheezer & Blues Brothers. I have to put on the soundtrack right about I-55 & the exit to 294- it gets us to the loop right about the time Sweet Home Chicago starts. There's something to that music and the Sears Tower.
11:00 AM: Park, Park Park, Stand in Line, Stand in Line, Stand in Line. Patient children are sketching pictures of the IBM Building, the people around us, and Cocopugs is drawing a scene with Carrot people. Yes, Carrot people.
11-12:30: Walk into the Lower level south wing: American Art until 1900. Breathe deeply at the lovely sculpture room preceding the exhibit. Ahhh.... The older children sketch pictures of sculptures and portraits, the college girl takes photos with her fancy pants camera, I walk in front of people, and I am really looking looking looking at the pictures. A guard gently stops me "please don't let your child touch the lines." Ok. Cocopugs asks where the playroom is. Temper tantrum due to no playroom and realization that her day will consist of looking at pictures, furniture and cloth.
12:30: LUNCH. a lovely afternoon of delicious and small bites. We all left still hungry. Made the grumpy Cocopugs smile when I gave her the camera and told her to start snapping photos of the bold and hungry duck hanging out around us. Belly Baby sat at the table like a big girl drinking water out of a big girl glass and smiling like the Cheshire Cat. CB drew a textured picture of an alligator- I knew all those episodes of Swamp People would pay off somehow. Our sweet guests charmed us with their smiles and wonderful conversation. Bonds were made, fun was had by all.
 |
| Cocopugs Tree Photo |
Now the best story of the day: Miss Cocopugs was feeling better after lunch, but still a little bothered by the whole thing. We looked at all the Impressionists, and she sat beside Belly Baby in the stroller and looked at books. We brought along a nice little book called Sunday with Seurat. It's a book we've had forever- sort of eaten around the edges, obviously well loved. We stepped into the room with 'Sunday on La Grande Jatte' and she jumped out of her seat yelling "it's here! ITS HERE! Mom! Do you see how big the picture is? Look at the ladies! Look at the dogs!" and on and on. Baby Belle noticed the monkey and dog right away, and we saw the little girl with her mama and the umbrella. That picture made the whole day for Coco. Art Matters.
 |
| Our Friends Mason F & Griffin H |
2:00 PM: Leave the museum after Baby Belle meltdown in the museum store. Headed over for a quick walk in Millenium Park, but only made it a few steps before we all decided we were too hot to explore, and we all wanted ice cream. So back into the car for an excruciating drive on 55.
It was a lovely day with wonderful people. Can't wait to do it again soon!
Monday, August 1, 2011
August Daybook
Is it really August?
The heat and the anxiety tell me YES! School is coming.
Today:
I am wearing a green housedress I put on after my swim. Today I tread water for 20 minutes while watching the big girls have lessons, and then I spent the next 20 minutes treading water & catching as they gleefully jumped off the diving board. I always forget about this dress, and the minute I put it on I remember why I LOVE IT! It is cute and so comfortable- effortless dressing. And barefoot. Always barefoot.
I am reading Science Secrets, it is a fun read- mostly a study in semantics and since I grew up with the grammar police and those who know how much words matter I am enjoying it immensely.
I am listening to Talent is Overraated on Audible (my new favorite thing). I went on a cleaning frenzy last Friday night, listening to the book and cleaning until about midnight. I think I may have found how to keep our house clean.
I have also been listening to Dvorak Stabat Mater and Beethoven's Ghost Trio Sonata. Just a little preview of fall music repertoire.
In our garden, the broccoli is done, the basil was a tasty treat for the Japanese Beetles, and our tomatoes are perfect with a little salt/ pepper/ fresh chives. In fact, we are having some for dinner. Speaking of dinner, there is a chicken pot pie cooking for the extremely picky Cocopugs who asked for some 'HOT FOOD, MAMA! I"M TIRED OF COLD FOOD!'. Ok. Point taken.
Around the house changes are coming to the flow and rhythm of the furniture. I have a big change in mind, and my friends are coming to help. I can't wait- Will post pics soon...
And the timer for dinner is going off and I have to get back to real life.
The heat and the anxiety tell me YES! School is coming.
Today:
I am wearing a green housedress I put on after my swim. Today I tread water for 20 minutes while watching the big girls have lessons, and then I spent the next 20 minutes treading water & catching as they gleefully jumped off the diving board. I always forget about this dress, and the minute I put it on I remember why I LOVE IT! It is cute and so comfortable- effortless dressing. And barefoot. Always barefoot.
I am reading Science Secrets, it is a fun read- mostly a study in semantics and since I grew up with the grammar police and those who know how much words matter I am enjoying it immensely.
I am listening to Talent is Overraated on Audible (my new favorite thing). I went on a cleaning frenzy last Friday night, listening to the book and cleaning until about midnight. I think I may have found how to keep our house clean.
I have also been listening to Dvorak Stabat Mater and Beethoven's Ghost Trio Sonata. Just a little preview of fall music repertoire.
In our garden, the broccoli is done, the basil was a tasty treat for the Japanese Beetles, and our tomatoes are perfect with a little salt/ pepper/ fresh chives. In fact, we are having some for dinner. Speaking of dinner, there is a chicken pot pie cooking for the extremely picky Cocopugs who asked for some 'HOT FOOD, MAMA! I"M TIRED OF COLD FOOD!'. Ok. Point taken.
Around the house changes are coming to the flow and rhythm of the furniture. I have a big change in mind, and my friends are coming to help. I can't wait- Will post pics soon...
And the timer for dinner is going off and I have to get back to real life.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Freedom & Truth
God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
Lamentations 22-23, The Message
I have to update my Sunday night post.
Last week, I knew I wasn't feeling quite right physically, and part of that included feeling grumpy and blah. Monday I went to the doc and got the medicine I needed and am feeling tons better.
In the same way, after writing that post, I needed a little spiritual medicine. My mom reminded me to not listen to the big lies whispered quietly. And then I read this, from Oswald Chambers:
"The continual grubbing on the inside to see whether we are what we ought to be generates a self-centered, morbid type of Christianity, not the robust, simple life of the child of God....Launch out in reckless belief that the Redemption is complete and then bother no more about yourself, but begin to do as Christ said- pray for the friend who comes to you at midnight, pray for the saints, pray for all men. Pray for the realization that you are only perfect in Christ Jesus."
I think this is freedom in two ways: the first being freedom from our sin, second being free from our selves. This is sweet and comforting.
Now the difficult part is recognizing what is legitimate self evaluation and how to continually believe God for the Truth. I e-v-e-n-t-u-a-l-l-y get there, but I want to get there faster next time without the 2 weeks of festering doubt. Just like I knew I needed to get to the doc last week but put it off. I don't want to do the same thing spiritually.
I have stripey Pj's snuggling next to me and hungry big girls hanging around so my day is starting... Enjoy yours!
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
Lamentations 22-23, The Message
I have to update my Sunday night post.
Last week, I knew I wasn't feeling quite right physically, and part of that included feeling grumpy and blah. Monday I went to the doc and got the medicine I needed and am feeling tons better.
In the same way, after writing that post, I needed a little spiritual medicine. My mom reminded me to not listen to the big lies whispered quietly. And then I read this, from Oswald Chambers:
"The continual grubbing on the inside to see whether we are what we ought to be generates a self-centered, morbid type of Christianity, not the robust, simple life of the child of God....Launch out in reckless belief that the Redemption is complete and then bother no more about yourself, but begin to do as Christ said- pray for the friend who comes to you at midnight, pray for the saints, pray for all men. Pray for the realization that you are only perfect in Christ Jesus."
I think this is freedom in two ways: the first being freedom from our sin, second being free from our selves. This is sweet and comforting.
Now the difficult part is recognizing what is legitimate self evaluation and how to continually believe God for the Truth. I e-v-e-n-t-u-a-l-l-y get there, but I want to get there faster next time without the 2 weeks of festering doubt. Just like I knew I needed to get to the doc last week but put it off. I don't want to do the same thing spiritually.
I have stripey Pj's snuggling next to me and hungry big girls hanging around so my day is starting... Enjoy yours!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Sunday Day (night) book
The men in my life are truly good men. One is here in my own house, zonked out right here beside me in his clothes. He's not snoring, but the remote is hanging in his hand haphazardly. He may be drooling, I'm not getting up to check.
I was not the ideal happy wifey today. I was grumpy, argumentative, and short tempered. I know. Hard to believe.
But I felt justified.
I wasn't.
He maintained sanity around me today, he showed me grace. It was humbling.
So here I sit, ready to confess my day. Not to you, dear reader. You're getting the glossy night-book version. SO....
I am sitting: On my couch laptop in lap TV blaring stupid show but remote is stuck two cushions down, and I won't interrupt the pre-bedtime nap.
I am wearing: Jeans because I caught a snippet of video of me wearing a skirt recently and it wasn't nearly as cool as I thought it was. I think jeans might be my best bet until I lose this stupid 15 lbs. Yes, I am obsessive, and yes, it could be a problem. But I'm swimming and walking and eating ok, so health is good. And that should be enough.
I heard today: snippets of a sermon because Bity Boo couldn't stay quiet during church AT ALL. But what I heard was good. Even better when it's shown to you in unexpected ways. Also, Bity sings with serious gusto- I can hear her all the way up at the piano. It makes my heart happy.
I am reading: The Hobbit with Carrie. Bilbo Baggins is such a delightful character, but Gollum's voice was fun to do... she thought I was creepy!! Mission accomplished.
I am feeling: completely inadequate in so many areas. Most of the time, I just feel inadequate in 1 or 2 spots. But right now, today, it all just feels difficult. I hate self pity parties and FAIL. But the introvert inside is thriving and the self speak isn't all that positive. Just when I think she's under control something triggers the ugliness. GO AWAY INTROVERT NUTBALL!
What I need: 3 day retreat where no one is talking to me and I can read and write and chill and come to terms with the fact that I can't be perfect at everything, and I am not even going to be good at most things. There are a few things I do really really well and those should be enough. I make a pretty good cheesecake. Consolation.
I am going to stop: The pity party. You (the reader) are sort of witnessing the end of the party- just the fact that I'm writing this instead of thinking it is good. If I let it all fester in my mind, it just gets worse. And so. This week will be better.
I was not the ideal happy wifey today. I was grumpy, argumentative, and short tempered. I know. Hard to believe.
But I felt justified.
I wasn't.
He maintained sanity around me today, he showed me grace. It was humbling.
So here I sit, ready to confess my day. Not to you, dear reader. You're getting the glossy night-book version. SO....
I am sitting: On my couch laptop in lap TV blaring stupid show but remote is stuck two cushions down, and I won't interrupt the pre-bedtime nap.
I am wearing: Jeans because I caught a snippet of video of me wearing a skirt recently and it wasn't nearly as cool as I thought it was. I think jeans might be my best bet until I lose this stupid 15 lbs. Yes, I am obsessive, and yes, it could be a problem. But I'm swimming and walking and eating ok, so health is good. And that should be enough.
I heard today: snippets of a sermon because Bity Boo couldn't stay quiet during church AT ALL. But what I heard was good. Even better when it's shown to you in unexpected ways. Also, Bity sings with serious gusto- I can hear her all the way up at the piano. It makes my heart happy.
I am reading: The Hobbit with Carrie. Bilbo Baggins is such a delightful character, but Gollum's voice was fun to do... she thought I was creepy!! Mission accomplished.
I am feeling: completely inadequate in so many areas. Most of the time, I just feel inadequate in 1 or 2 spots. But right now, today, it all just feels difficult. I hate self pity parties and FAIL. But the introvert inside is thriving and the self speak isn't all that positive. Just when I think she's under control something triggers the ugliness. GO AWAY INTROVERT NUTBALL!
What I need: 3 day retreat where no one is talking to me and I can read and write and chill and come to terms with the fact that I can't be perfect at everything, and I am not even going to be good at most things. There are a few things I do really really well and those should be enough. I make a pretty good cheesecake. Consolation.
I am going to stop: The pity party. You (the reader) are sort of witnessing the end of the party- just the fact that I'm writing this instead of thinking it is good. If I let it all fester in my mind, it just gets worse. And so. This week will be better.
Friday, May 20, 2011
5 Minute Friday
I'm going to force myself to write this morning just a little bit and Gypsy Mama has given me the 5 Minute Friday prompt. Head on over there for a beautiful blog and a chance to win a prize.
Ready, Steady, GO!
When Seasons Change
I am ready.
Breaking my life into 2 semesters and a summer based on the school/ teaching schedule has me very happy about this time of year. I am ready to have a more flexible time with the kids, the house and the husband. I gleefully spend a couple of weeks praying, devising options, anticipating our summer break. How much traveling? How much running around? How much downtime? How many books can we read? Can we get all our stuff done in the mornings so we can delight in the long afternoons and lazy play outside evenings? Or should be have leisurely mornings of chalk sidewalks and coffee? When do we visit friends? When do we swim? Library? Camps?
yup. Ready.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Complaints (aka Whining)
Not feeling all that creative today, or sane for that matter. This weather is not helping. Right now I am cuddled up under a cozy blanket watching the trees dance in the rough wind and the rain slant to the shiny street.
There are so many wonderful qualities to the day. So many things that I normally love: a melancholy mood, sweat pants, and Vivaldi. What is wrong with me?
I want to be in the garden today. I want to have the warm sun on my face, I want the cool earth in my hands and the soft grass at my toes. I want to be reveling in the beauty of spring. I want to play badminton with Pat, catch with Carrie, and chase Noelle and Leah around looking at bugs and tree bark and flowers. I want to cook out, make tomato salad, drink lemonade.
I don't want to get out coats. I don't want to be wet and cold. I don't want to catch up on work.
Pat just walked in with seeds for watermelon, much to the delight of Ms Cocopugs. She is dancing and giggling about watermelons as big as her head. Ok. I can do this today.
Hope Abides.
There are so many wonderful qualities to the day. So many things that I normally love: a melancholy mood, sweat pants, and Vivaldi. What is wrong with me?
I want to be in the garden today. I want to have the warm sun on my face, I want the cool earth in my hands and the soft grass at my toes. I want to be reveling in the beauty of spring. I want to play badminton with Pat, catch with Carrie, and chase Noelle and Leah around looking at bugs and tree bark and flowers. I want to cook out, make tomato salad, drink lemonade.
I don't want to get out coats. I don't want to be wet and cold. I don't want to catch up on work.
Pat just walked in with seeds for watermelon, much to the delight of Ms Cocopugs. She is dancing and giggling about watermelons as big as her head. Ok. I can do this today.
Hope Abides.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
All work?
Today is SUNDAY! And it's almost time for me to go to bed- tomorrow will come early, and with it, work.
But first, my day of resting and contemplation and renewal began with a quiet cup of tea and conversation with the husband. The kids played and we read the paper online, cleaned the kitchen and chatted- then he fell asleep on the couch.
I made headway on Comfort Food by Kate something or other while sitting on the couch in my pajamas. The kids played. The baby napped. The husband continued to nap.
Babykins woke up, and played with the big girls until tomato soup and BLT's were ready, bacon was the alarm that finally woke sleeping beauty, and he joined us for lunch.
He headed out for the perfunctory weekend trip to Menards with the littlest ones in tow. The big girl was mine. She had a date with a large pile of laundry. She sorted, she carried down baskets, she loaded, unloaded, did detergent, set the timer, cleaned the filter, folded and put away. Mostly. I had a practice date with the piano and the liturgy. I did help with the laundry a little, and we do have one more load to get done tomorrow. Then she helped me get dinner in the crockpot so we'd have dinner when we got home from church.
Then showers and cleanup, off to All Saint's Lutheran for a wonderful service and Sunday School, and home again to ride bikes outside, eat roast beef, and finish my book. I even slid in the final of Worst Cooks in America. Ahhhhhh.....Love Sundays.
But tomorrow I have to catch up around here. The big girls laundry is done, but I need to finish up the little girls, mine, and the linens. I have a loose schedule that I follow- flexibility is key- but I have been neglecting my self imposed work load and it shows in how well things run. I must get back on track.
In the meantime, I have another 45 minutes until I fall asleep.
But first, my day of resting and contemplation and renewal began with a quiet cup of tea and conversation with the husband. The kids played and we read the paper online, cleaned the kitchen and chatted- then he fell asleep on the couch.
I made headway on Comfort Food by Kate something or other while sitting on the couch in my pajamas. The kids played. The baby napped. The husband continued to nap.
Babykins woke up, and played with the big girls until tomato soup and BLT's were ready, bacon was the alarm that finally woke sleeping beauty, and he joined us for lunch.
He headed out for the perfunctory weekend trip to Menards with the littlest ones in tow. The big girl was mine. She had a date with a large pile of laundry. She sorted, she carried down baskets, she loaded, unloaded, did detergent, set the timer, cleaned the filter, folded and put away. Mostly. I had a practice date with the piano and the liturgy. I did help with the laundry a little, and we do have one more load to get done tomorrow. Then she helped me get dinner in the crockpot so we'd have dinner when we got home from church.
Then showers and cleanup, off to All Saint's Lutheran for a wonderful service and Sunday School, and home again to ride bikes outside, eat roast beef, and finish my book. I even slid in the final of Worst Cooks in America. Ahhhhhh.....Love Sundays.
But tomorrow I have to catch up around here. The big girls laundry is done, but I need to finish up the little girls, mine, and the linens. I have a loose schedule that I follow- flexibility is key- but I have been neglecting my self imposed work load and it shows in how well things run. I must get back on track.
In the meantime, I have another 45 minutes until I fall asleep.
Monday, February 7, 2011
And now back to our regularly scheduled program...
This morning is the first morning in a LONG time that no one is talking to me, no one needs anything, I can actually hear the hum of the refrigerator. I have so much catching up to do today but I wanted to start with a procratinating moment on the blog.
So many topics are swirling around in my head, I hope to tackle some of them soon. As it is, here's my Monday daybook:
I am.... sitting at my kitchen table with the sun warming my cheeks, looking outside at the once pristine snow that has been lovingly trampled on by little feet.
I am wearing.... my warm and cozy Under Armor sweats with gym shoes. Sometimes wearing gym shoes means I will actually go to the gym. Not sure about today.
I am contemplating..... homeschooling, Metcalf, Mulberry school, my philosophy of education and how it is fitting (or not) with the local public school.
I am reading..... The Well Educated Mind by Susan Wise Bauer , and just finished An Irish Country Girl by Patrick Taylor.
I have to get started..... Beth Moore's bible study Believing God- I am leading a group of college girls in this online study but I have to get moving and do the reading. Woefully behind
I am missing... My friends. Things have been so crazy around here that I haven't had time to catch up with my friends. I could see myself sinking into family oblivion and ignoring all those outside people who make my life so much richer. It's the introvert in my trying to rule the day. Must Fight Introvert.
I finished... MY TAXES! Which then started a big conversation with the husband about my small business and how much we pay in taxes. He would like to see me teaching at the college level and I would too, but I also know I am not qualified without a Master's Degree. So he tells me to go back to school. Yes, in my spare time. If he thinks I am busy now...
And now I am really procrastinating. I must get up and do some work around the house.
So many topics are swirling around in my head, I hope to tackle some of them soon. As it is, here's my Monday daybook:
I am.... sitting at my kitchen table with the sun warming my cheeks, looking outside at the once pristine snow that has been lovingly trampled on by little feet.
I am wearing.... my warm and cozy Under Armor sweats with gym shoes. Sometimes wearing gym shoes means I will actually go to the gym. Not sure about today.
I am contemplating..... homeschooling, Metcalf, Mulberry school, my philosophy of education and how it is fitting (or not) with the local public school.
I am reading..... The Well Educated Mind by Susan Wise Bauer , and just finished An Irish Country Girl by Patrick Taylor.
I have to get started..... Beth Moore's bible study Believing God- I am leading a group of college girls in this online study but I have to get moving and do the reading. Woefully behind
I am missing... My friends. Things have been so crazy around here that I haven't had time to catch up with my friends. I could see myself sinking into family oblivion and ignoring all those outside people who make my life so much richer. It's the introvert in my trying to rule the day. Must Fight Introvert.
I finished... MY TAXES! Which then started a big conversation with the husband about my small business and how much we pay in taxes. He would like to see me teaching at the college level and I would too, but I also know I am not qualified without a Master's Degree. So he tells me to go back to school. Yes, in my spare time. If he thinks I am busy now...
And now I am really procrastinating. I must get up and do some work around the house.
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