Thankful

This morning smells like hope.
Ok it really smells like toddlers, fruit loops and coffee here at the kitchen table.
It's a rare day and I want to enjoy it fully.  Pat is working today and I have a clean calendar with a couple of things to do, a paper to write and three girls to hang out with. We are working together today to prepare for the season ahead, we will rest together and laugh together.  I am hoping we will not fight together.

This week has been difficult. **DISCLAIMER**(massive understatement-  this week resulted in a panic attack of epic proportions including meltdown, temper tantrums and crying.  That wasn't the kids) I have observed people who struggle with the same issues over and over, and I know it is true for me.  I feel my issues are magnified when I'm under stress.  And this week has pushed my stress to new heights.  Expectations for the children and home are not being met; my husband is picking up a lot of slack and essentially working both at home and at work.   I was in intense physical pain for a couple of days, and my understanding of coursework is not as clear as I'd like.  In my distant past I relied on unhealthy methods to cope with stress, so learning a few new techniques is now a necessity.  I found the help I needed (honestly, a kind Drs off- the- books care, little talk therapy, an afternoon of walking around in the sunshine barefoot did amazing things for my psyche) and I am reflective on the whole process.  Again.

So the girls and I are working on our thanksgiving journal at the table and I am thankful this morning for the struggle. I am thankful that my life is not boring, not predictable, not perfect.  I am thankful for complicated relationships worthy of hard work.  Hope is present even when my patience wears thin.  Disciplining myself to look toward the fruits of a good relationship pushes me to work through difficult times.  I am thankful that I have maintained good relationships that could have been written off.  I have seriously high maintenance friends, I am thankful for the work our relationships are because it deepens the bond we have together.  What is life without relationship?

I am also thankful that my struggles are pretty consistent.  Even when there is a curveball thrown in, I can still mostly pare them down to the common denominator and try not to lose my head over them.  And when I do lose my head, at least I know where to look for it.  Now let's get going on this beautiful day.