It's complicated

Like most people, I am fairly complicated.
I have a family and home that demand time and effort, energy and love.
I have a brain that demands attention as thoughts flit and float on a regular basis, too impertinent to ignore.
I have a talent that begs to be nurtured and skills desperately desiring to be used and honed.
The slightest suggestion of spring sets my brain into organization mode.  I have closets to clean and baby, toddler and kindergartner clothing to sort, mend, and store.  Cabinets in need of sanity, rugs to hang outside.  Linens who need to be cleaned and aired, then stored for next winter.  Lighter linens to be aired and used.  Curtains to be washed, ironed and put back up over freshly washed windows.  Toy explosion that needs to be contained.
Last night at bible study, we were talking about the Martha and Mary story- you know the one where Jesus visits their house and Mary sits at his feet listening, and Martha is frantically cleaning and getting ready. The question was who does Jesus love?  And the answer is he loves both.  Hmmm..   I always thought it was Mary who was present in the moment and not caring about the state of her house.  Martha always seemed so busy and impersonal.  And yet I find myself being Martha most of the time.  Busy and impersonal to the people around me most of the time.  One of the suggestions in the study was to be prepared enough in advance to create hospitality daily not only to guests but to my family.
This idea is taking shape in my mind as I get started on spring cleaning.  What all can I do in advance?  How do I maintain order in a house with small children?  How can I be more present in the day to day moments with them and not be so busy and impersonal?
Staying up late and getting up early are not the answers right now, an almost 5 month old is teething and still nursing at night.  Mama needs her sleep.
My mother has suggested for years that I take 15 minutes to pick up right before bedtime, and another quick pickup after the morning rush.  I always scoffed saying I was too tired, until I found myself the last few nights starting the dishwasher and wiping down the bathroom before bed so it would be nice in the morning.  I have asked my husband to make sure the kitchen table is cleared off before bed because I cannot stand a table mess first thing in the morning.  We are working with the kids to pick up before bed.
As I write about all this preparation, I wonder then how I can clean my attitudes and behaviors towards God.    I reconnect with God each spring during Lent and experience the closest times with Him during Easter.  No wonder I find the spring to be my most creative time during the year, too.
To be creative, to actually create and to have the presence of mind to take the time to do it are all a matter of preparation.  I want to be able to plan for a creative moment but all who have stared at a blank screen when they finally have time to write and NOTHING is there understand that creativity doesn't always happen that way.  
I had a break in lessons yesterday and took the extra time to sing for the first time in a few months.  It felt so good and I cringed and wanted to cry when I was done; the ability to do what I had done isn't there. The muscles tired quickly and the tone wasn't what I wanted.  I was still exhilarated by singing, but not satisfied in how it sounded.  I don't know what to sing anymore.  There is no opera career to look for, no recital circuit, no church singing anytime soon.  My next engagement is July's faculty recital and I am not sure I will have to sing that.
I am supposed to sing.  I need to sing.
All facets of my life are craving order and discipline.  I want to be hospitable to my family and friends, I want to create free from worry and guilt, I want to enjoy and cherish the gifts I have been given.  Just getting this down in writing will help when I approach and ask to lay this down.  Let's see what happens.