Monday, July 30, 2012
There are times when I forget. My most opportune time to forget is when I am stressed and overly busy, things I have been all summer long. The children have had time for play- relationship building and tearing down with the girls in the neighborhood, learning to respect feelings and navigating drama. (that is another post unto itself... girls are AGhhh!) And while I knew this summer was going to be busy and hard, I did not keep my eyes consistently on what mattered. I forgot to care about the overall picture, and focused on my little details. As a result, I have a home desperately in need of attention, a family desperate for structure, and a schedule to start planning for fall. Here is where I sometimes forget.
When I pray the Psalms, I tend to focus on the details of my own self, my own observations of joy, sorrow, pain, sin that I experience in my life. As I was reading Psalm 32 today I realized that many of my sins really have to do with trust. I try and control things, I daydream for contingency, I daydream about what could have been instead of cherishing, nurturing, and being thankful for what is. I waffle sometimes between counting that as sin mostly because it is imagination instead of reality. But consciously separating myself; hoping in my own ideas of future or past is directly counter to trusting in God's plan he has lovingly unfolded in front of me.
"Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope for His lovingkindness, to deliver their souls from death, and to keep them alive in famine." -Psalm 32:8-9
This summer so far has had a little famine. I trust that God will work it for good, and that I will remember.
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