Today was busy. Today was internally busy, today was externally busy.
I took time out to spend with my husband.
Funny how a boy from Chicago can grab my soul with his love of my heritage in the country. We walked through the thick mud of a freshly turned field. In the twilight, he carried Cocopugs and I carried little Belle. CB lost her shoes. (pink ballet flats belong in a muddy field) We walked one behind the other, searching and scanning in precious daylight. Once on the other side, the girls and I headed down to the river while he continued to look. He is so aware of what he does in the woods and fields, so aware of the animal that he lost. His obligation is to finish what he started, respect the process. This man that I love yelled across the grasses to the river for me. I grabbed small bodies, cool hands and followed his voice to find him pulling a beautiful large deer from the brush.
Yesterday morning he came home from his hunt with tales of six bucks pursuing one doe. He observed quietly from a not perfect angle, and as he was pulling his first shot, another deer entered the area and the instant was lost. He wasn't able to see clearly the deer he was after, but quickly pulled another shot and nicked the animal. He searched for his arrows to account for what happened and could only find one barely bloody arrow. He watched the buck lick its neck and then bound away into the brush. He thought he'd missed and the arrow had gone into the river behind.
Today, his good buddy was hunting the same area and came across a 9 point buck with a clean arrow wound to his neck, and a nick on the thigh. Pat asked us to come with him to find it, and so our adventure went. He thanked his daughters and wife for caring enough to tromp through the field and search with him.
All a part of the treasure and journey with him.
I hope I feed his soul as clearly as he feeds mine.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Thankful
This morning smells like hope.
Ok it really smells like toddlers, fruit loops and coffee here at the kitchen table.
It's a rare day and I want to enjoy it fully. Pat is working today and I have a clean calendar with a couple of things to do, a paper to write and three girls to hang out with. We are working together today to prepare for the season ahead, we will rest together and laugh together. I am hoping we will not fight together.
This week has been difficult. **DISCLAIMER**(massive understatement- this week resulted in a panic attack of epic proportions including meltdown, temper tantrums and crying. That wasn't the kids) I have observed people who struggle with the same issues over and over, and I know it is true for me. I feel my issues are magnified when I'm under stress. And this week has pushed my stress to new heights. Expectations for the children and home are not being met; my husband is picking up a lot of slack and essentially working both at home and at work. I was in intense physical pain for a couple of days, and my understanding of coursework is not as clear as I'd like. In my distant past I relied on unhealthy methods to cope with stress, so learning a few new techniques is now a necessity. I found the help I needed (honestly, a kind Drs off- the- books care, little talk therapy, an afternoon of walking around in the sunshine barefoot did amazing things for my psyche) and I am reflective on the whole process. Again.
So the girls and I are working on our thanksgiving journal at the table and I am thankful this morning for the struggle. I am thankful that my life is not boring, not predictable, not perfect. I am thankful for complicated relationships worthy of hard work. Hope is present even when my patience wears thin. Disciplining myself to look toward the fruits of a good relationship pushes me to work through difficult times. I am thankful that I have maintained good relationships that could have been written off. I have seriously high maintenance friends, I am thankful for the work our relationships are because it deepens the bond we have together. What is life without relationship?
I am also thankful that my struggles are pretty consistent. Even when there is a curveball thrown in, I can still mostly pare them down to the common denominator and try not to lose my head over them. And when I do lose my head, at least I know where to look for it. Now let's get going on this beautiful day.
Ok it really smells like toddlers, fruit loops and coffee here at the kitchen table.
It's a rare day and I want to enjoy it fully. Pat is working today and I have a clean calendar with a couple of things to do, a paper to write and three girls to hang out with. We are working together today to prepare for the season ahead, we will rest together and laugh together. I am hoping we will not fight together.
This week has been difficult. **DISCLAIMER**(massive understatement- this week resulted in a panic attack of epic proportions including meltdown, temper tantrums and crying. That wasn't the kids) I have observed people who struggle with the same issues over and over, and I know it is true for me. I feel my issues are magnified when I'm under stress. And this week has pushed my stress to new heights. Expectations for the children and home are not being met; my husband is picking up a lot of slack and essentially working both at home and at work. I was in intense physical pain for a couple of days, and my understanding of coursework is not as clear as I'd like. In my distant past I relied on unhealthy methods to cope with stress, so learning a few new techniques is now a necessity. I found the help I needed (honestly, a kind Drs off- the- books care, little talk therapy, an afternoon of walking around in the sunshine barefoot did amazing things for my psyche) and I am reflective on the whole process. Again.
So the girls and I are working on our thanksgiving journal at the table and I am thankful this morning for the struggle. I am thankful that my life is not boring, not predictable, not perfect. I am thankful for complicated relationships worthy of hard work. Hope is present even when my patience wears thin. Disciplining myself to look toward the fruits of a good relationship pushes me to work through difficult times. I am thankful that I have maintained good relationships that could have been written off. I have seriously high maintenance friends, I am thankful for the work our relationships are because it deepens the bond we have together. What is life without relationship?
I am also thankful that my struggles are pretty consistent. Even when there is a curveball thrown in, I can still mostly pare them down to the common denominator and try not to lose my head over them. And when I do lose my head, at least I know where to look for it. Now let's get going on this beautiful day.
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