I can still hear my grandfathers quiet voice telling me this advice when I was in high school and moaning about the latest boy crush. It seemed really simple- no subtext, no agenda, no manipulations. Just be clear.
I was masterful at predicting (and maneuvering) events to go the way I wanted them to, all with a smooth tongue of vagueness, and overall selfish conversation. After causing a lot of heartache, I decided that Grampa's advice should be heeded and used. So I changed my bad self- and have come to the startling conclusion that: Relationships are hard. Effective communication makes them easier.
Here are my observations about good relationships:
- Honest Feelings. Not brutal, not confrontational. I may not react to something right away mostly because I need time to process information. But I will always find a way to be honest about how I feel when it really counts.
- I genuinely care about what other people are doing, and try to keep myself out of the conversation until I am asked. Here's why: I know me. If I start in about me, I will just continue to talk about me and what I am doing until the cows come home. And that's not a relationship! That's me blathering on about me. Who wants that?!?! Now, I do have a great set of friends I call on when something is bothering me. That's what girlfriends are for!
- Everyone likes to be accepted. (Like Christina is an affirming shopper...$300 vacuum? Oh Yeah!) It's not like I am a cheerleader, I just look for the positive things and go for them. If I disagree with someone, I am careful to disagree with their idea, not their personality. I love the variety of people I know and cherish because of this ability.
- I like to ask questions. I really want to know why, who, when, and what. I'm a reporter with no newspaper or writing skills.
I know this is cheesy and dumb, but I really like all the people I know- I am lucky to have such neat people in my life.
Any ideas on what makes your good relationships good?
1 comment:
Laughter!
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