What I've been up to

Our family has welcomed a new little person to join the fray. The territory includes no sleep, wild child toting, plenty of noise and overwhelming joy. I hope to start writing again soon on all the goings on around here, back to family life and friends. A little music here and there. My brain is starting to turn back to it's creativity (as a defense mechanism, I am sure) and we'll see about the sanity. Time will tell...

A Brilliant Mind

"OUCH!"

are you ok?

"Mommy! My elbow feels spicy!"

whaat?

(toddling in holding said elbow)

"I SAID my elbow feels spicy!"

Ohhh.. you hit your funny bone.

"NOT FUNNY! SPICY!"

Ok, Cocopugs. It'll be fine in a minute.

Go Play!

Sneak Peak!

I am singing at a recital on Monday, July 13 at 7PM at the Mennonite Church in Normal. The recital is a fund raiser for the Van Leer Scholarship Program at Immanuel Bible Foundation, and is also being used as a research project for some doctoral students at U of I. One of the projects for research was to write a vignette about how taking music lessons has changed your life. The following is going to be read at the recital while the stage is being changed before my piece:

How taking music lessons has changed my life...

Taking music lessons was a rite of passage in our busy home. My parents created an environment where music was not only a source of fun, it was a respected aspect of our education. I am the 3rd child in a family of 8 children and early on each of us had a required 2 year stint with the local piano teacher. Some of us did pretty well and continued far past that time, some of us did not; but the message was clear: Music is important.

My parents sacrificed so that we could take lessons. My parents both loved music and changed my life by making it a priority in our home.

It was destined to be, as they first met in high school chorus when Dad pulled Mom's ponytail. Thus began a soundtrack of highschool sweethearts: He the marching band drummer, she the drum majorette with her high stepping white go go boots. Later, he the rebel drummer in a rock and roll band, she the oratorio singing chorister. And not too far after that, they were married and created a home of their own. As a child, I was equally exposed to a steady diet of eclectic extremes. Mom jamming to the Beach Boys in the station wagon, turning it up ridiculously loud, Dad discovering the New Testament and being touched by Handel's Messiah, introduced by Mom. We danced to Three Dog Night in our socks, trying to not jump too hard thus causing the record to skip, and we sang in close harmonies on the way to church. Dad drummed in a dance band to pay for all of our piano lessons initially, and then continued as we all started various instruments at school. Mom had music playing at home on a regular basis, and in seasons: Brandenburg Concertos in the fall, Vivaldi Four Seasons in the spring, James Taylor, Mary Chapin Carpenter and Beach Boys in the summer. And at Christmas, we listened to Messiah, all the way through. Saturday nights were for the Muppet Show and Austin City Limits, Sunday morning was for Sounds Of Faith on the radio.

Dad was encouraging by being present at our recitals and by talking philosophically about music as it related to faith and life. Mom was encouraging because she listened and helped shape practice time, she organized our schedules with the piano teacher, and went to bat for me when I wanted more musical information from my lessons. She had a plethora of books about history and the arts, and she gifted us with new music at birthdays and holidays. Both of my parents told us how much pleasure they got out of hearing us play piano, or drums, or flute, or trumpet, or trombone, or oboe, or saxophone, or singing, or guitar.

I am blessed to be the 3rd daughter in this family where so much more than pop culture and outside life was celebrated in our home. Our relationships with each other were the priority, and of course things were not perfect. But we had a true gift in the attitudes led by my mother and father in their love of music.

What? I have a blog?

Hello, Internet world.  Yes, I have a blog, I write in in occasionally, very occasionally as of late.  I have had lots of ideas for good stories lately, some ideal things to ponder about, funny life situations, but alas, I have pregnancy stupids and this post is already riddled with red underlinings denoting my bad spelling.  

I can't remember what I'm supposed to be doing, let alone writing about what I am thinking.  SO here's a quick update, rundown, new photos, etc etc etc:  Latest and Greatest:  

• CB has new glasses.  They haven't yet left her face since getting them yesterday which confirms in my mind how needed they are.  I had an idea she was a little far sighted, but when we went to the Optometrist, I was surprised at how much she needed them.  When she put them on, the first thing she said was how big things looked, and how she could read little things.  While I was driving home she said "Mom!  My hands have wrinkles!"  Let's hope this will help when Kindergarten starts in the fall.   
• CB is also riding her bike with NO training wheels.  She is thrilled with her new sense of freedom because she can ride so fast like the wind.  So she says...  Cocopugs hasn't gotten to use her bike with training wheels yet because her little legs are too short to reach the pedals for a full turn.  She is sad about this, but still chases her sister while she rides.  It's been a pretty fun summer so far.  
• Cocopugs is potty trained!  She is a sneakster, though and has figured out that the simplest "I have to go potty" throws her mommy and daddy into a hustle bustle of getting her to said location.  Now, she REALLY has to go when we tell her to finish her milk at supper, or when she is sitting in time out.  She smiles when she knows she's in trouble...  Which alternatively drives me crazy and makes me laugh.  
  
• Our new baby is a girl!  She will arrive this fall, due on Oct 30.  I have already been telling her that Hotel Mommy closes on Oct 15, and if she wants to stay a couple of days after it's ok.  BUT absolutely no later that Oct 25.  It's never too early to establish who the boss is.  (this will be a fun post to read on November 5 when I am writhing in labor pains because she naturally will be my most stubborn child)  
• Pat is working a whole week this week, which has been rare this year, due to the weather.  The economy isn't helping my business too much, lots of kids off for the summer, and we'll see who returns this fall.  But anyway, Pat is booked for work for the rest of summer and into the fall which is good news if the weather cooperates.   It has been a good exercise to see that we CAN exist on a bird wire budget for a while.  I am ready for it to be over, though.  
• Someone is knocking on my door-  gotta run!!

The Kick

I have a clean kitchen.  I have toys that are mostly organized.  I have finished house on the horizon.  Still, there are floors to vacuum, bathrooms to scrub, bedrooms to finish.  A husband home next week to hunt turkey, and father in law to accompany, an appraisal Tuesday, and a big holiday weekend. 

But most important today, I have a clean kitchen.

My kitchen was remodeled spring 2008, and it is really lovely.  My husband, some cold beer, and a merry band of family members pitched in and got most of the work done in about 3 weeks.  Yup, it was a long 3 weeks, but short in the grand scheme of things.  

Most of the time, my floor is crunchy, the counters covered in stuff, and the stainless appliances greasy and fingerprinted.  

Today, the floor is clean and scrubbed, the cabinets shiny, the counters disinfected, and the smudges un smudged.  Have I mentioned I am totally addicted to the Shark? And the handheld steamer I got with purchase?  But alas, my infomercial issue is for another day.  So I am sitting here ignoring my children running in the other room and enjoying the clean kitchen with a snack. 

Dang!  Crumbs on the floor!!  

Ah well, Love's Labors Lost...

She's Up

It's early.  Like 1:15 AM Early, and I am up eating rice krispies at the kitchen table.  There was only one bowl left in the box, and I am sad because I could have easily eaten 2, maybe 3 bowls.  It's strange to be so hungry.

I woke up an hour ago to a crying girl with a bad dream, and then a song took hold in my head, then I had to go to the bathroom, and well, you know about the hunger.  Can't sleep.

There is a gentleman at our church who is my friend.  He is 92 and at the end stages of his life.  We have been friends for 4 years, he called me on the phone one sunday afternoon after I had sang a Bach Cantata at church that morning.  He just called to tell me he really enjoyed the music, and we started talking about the german language, which then turned into a chat about his service in WWII.  He was a highly decorated soldier, and after that conversation I always remembered to acknowledge him on memorial day and veterans day.  We had many wonderful conversations over the last few years, and my life has been enriched by this unlikely relationship.   

When he was 89, we were talking before church one day and he said "Jane, I'm 89 and when the time comes would you please sing Softly and Tenderly at my funeral?"  I told him he had lots of good years left, and he just looked at me and said "but I'm ready whenever the time comes."  So that summer I sang the song during church, and we talked about it after-  I told him I had wanted him to actually get to hear it before the big day, and he laughed and said thanks-  

I think his big day is coming very soon-  he had a fall at the beginning of the year and lost his short term memory.  He didn't remember me or our talks.  And this week he had yet another fall and is failing quickly. I am awake tonight singing Softly and Tenderly in my head, and tearing up.    Its still hard to let someone go, even when the time has come and he's ready.  

Why should we tarry when Jesus is calling? Calling 'O Sinner, Come Home'?  

New Post!

The New Post icon is like instant writers block as of late.  I am not off the couch from my

 afternoon nap, and here it is time to start dinner.    So get over the writers block, or make dinner.  Obviously the choice is clear!!  

So this quote has been rattling in my head for a while:

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

-Sir Winston Churchill

I love it on so many levels.  I like the encouragement of having no loss of enthusiasm, and I like how it twists some of my perceptions of failure into an opportunity to reflect and improve.  

Now I have to cook dinner.  

It's been a while

Catch up is not really fun.  I've been lousy the last couple of weeks and things are just piling up one after the other.  I am totally frustrated with the state of my home, the state of my children, and the state of my body.  

Let's tackle them:

#1 My house:  Someone should really take pity on me and send a maid my way.  I need someone who is willing to turn a blind eye to tomato soup on the underside of the table, crusts under the chairs, and CLUTTER CLUTTER EVERYWHERE.  Really, I do have standards that include scrubbed and clean bathrooms and a clean kitchen.  I did all that yesterday.  But what's waiting for me is 5 baskets of laundry that need to be folded and put away, toys that need sorted and moved downstairs, and a paper monster that threatens even the strongest of constitutions.   I can't even walk through my living room without tripping on a damn cootie leg.  It's sad. However, the weather has been so nice that I've been able to escape and avoid the inside of my house for at least a couple of days.  Pretty soon, the piper must be paid.  Which leads me to #2

The Children:  THEY ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.  I have spent way too much time with them this last month.  Either that, or they are just on my nerves a little more lately.  Or I just have no patience.   How about all 3?  Yesterday CB was so clingy and curious that by 8:15 at bedtime with no daddy around to help I lost my mind, gave her a thunk on the head and sent her to bed.  I am an admitted head thunker, not my best parenting choice, but it does get her attention and she went to bed with no further incident.   I still felt bad.  I am substituting at her school this week.  It's fun.  She is still clingy.  And the 2 year old is acting... well, 2.  It's been a long week. What is today, anyway?  

My Body:  Why does it attack me while I'm trying to bring a new life into this happy springy world?  All I want is a nice night of sleep without nausea and leg cramps.  I want a day not tinged with fatigue and irritation.  I crave silence.  I wish my nose wasn't so sensitive.  I can't eat more protein.  Really, I've been eating a hard boiled egg at bedtime, cottage cheese for snacks, and regular meat for meals.  I don't even want very many cookies.  This is very bizarre.  COOKIES!!  What kind of alien has taken residence in my tummy?  Hmmm...maybe I should try french vanilla ice cream.  MMmmm...  with caramel and chocolate chips...  

Things aren't so bad-  this is an exciting time.  I am just overwhelmed and tired.  Things will be better in the next few weeks.   

I will just sit back and wait for the maid...

It's my birthday week!!  Yeah!!  I have lots of fun things to do this week.

• I was sick on the couch yesterday afternoon and evening-  blah start to an otherwise wonderful week.  But the doc says all is well, so I will just keep resting until I'm better.
  
• Today I have laundry and general cleanup going on.  We are having new carpet installed in our living room and bedrooms, so the toy migration to the playroom has begun.  Then I have to start on the clothes.  
  
• Tomorrow I am taking a group of students to the opera to see a student matinee of Pagliacci-  a relatively short, depressing dramatic show, which should be really fun.  I scheduled extra shopping time on Michigan Ave, too.  
  
• Thursday MOPS, Ballet and Chorale.  Always a fun day, no matter what week it is.
  

AND THEN THE BIG DAY!!!!  

Yes, I will be 33 years old.  

• 20 years since I was 13
  
• 15 years since I was 18
  
• And 10 years since I graduated from college
  

 That last one kills me.  I feel like I was in college yesterday.  

I am having lunch with my birthday friend, Melinda.  We see each other 2 times a year, on our birthdays.  Hers is in September, so we catch up on all the stuff that happens in 6 months.  She is one of my favorite people, and I can't wait to spend a little time with her.

Then my mommy is cooking me dinner.  And she loves me.  I wonder if I can leave the kids at home with Pat.  Then I could have my mommy and daddy all to myself.  It's been 29 years since I was 5.

Really, Mom, Angel Food with strawberries and whipped cream, please!!!   

Crazy!

This past week has just been crazy.  I can't even write a post about it, it was just too wacko. 

Pat is home from his out of state work week and it is nice to have him back.  I underestimate how much he helps me around the house and how much I love his companionship and camaraderie.  BTW, I never underestimate how much I love that man. 

I do have a very sweet new nephew named Cameron, he is still in the hospital due to prematurity and a little jaundice.  He should be coming home soon.  I got to hold him yesterday for about a half an hour, and he is so tiny and perfect.  

It's my birthday month!!  I plan to celebrate all month long.  I don't know how. I just will.  I think maybe I will buy myself flowers each week...  I have tulips this week from the store- I prefer them outside. WARM UP!  (Just a little shout out to the universe)

As of now, I have books to read, laundry to run, newsletter to write, work to get to, baby to visit and children to take care of.  More Later!   

The New Normal

There was a sleepover at my house last night.  Monday is sort of like Friday because no one has anything to do on Tuesdays except laundry and catch up.  So we set up the cot in Cocopugs' bedroom and CB gladly slept with her sister.  After tucking them in I heard snippets of their conversations and Coco telling her sister she was tired, stop talking!  This morning I woke up to them singing a good morning song to each other and then running in to wake me up.  It was pretty sweet...

My children and I are sitting at the kitchen table, working, each one of us.  CB is creating a newspaper complete with comic pages, news stories, and pictures.  Cocopugs keeps drawing pictures of stuff, so she's designated to the classifieds.  (I currently have a picture of a car with 6 wheels of different colors and a polka dot exterior.  If Only it could be true!!)  

I have a stack of work to be done, new files to add to my computer, bills to take care of, and emails to write and get sent off.  I have been so focused on CB and family this last week that everything else has sort of fallen aside.  Isn't it funny how things can just be let go without any real lasting consequences?  I had taken care of most things before her surgery, anticipated the time off, but now I feel compelled to finish everything, get moving on life again.  And I CAN"T WAIT UNTIL SPRING!!!  Everytime the sun shines lately, I just get happier...

Relationships, Part II and other assorted oddities

UPDATES:

1. I do suck at some relationships. With my husband, I don't mind being confrontational and apparently have been so recently to the point he told me I was mean and obnoxious. What? I'm not perfect? Don't tell the kids!!! So I'm adjusting my attitude and am going for sweet and tough. Kind of like overcooked BBQ ribs. The way to his heart is through his (illusionary) stomach.

2. CB is home and doing great from her recent stay at the hospital. She is a bit slow, a bit grumpy and tired, and getting a bit more love from her mama- I have been doting on her because she is just a little peanut! (And I love her with a renewed sense of purpose)

3. Cocopugs keeps asking when her 'osplittle' toys are coming. Why doesn't she get presents? Don't we love her? She is really so funny, cute and sweet with her little bob and curls.

4. I have been playing with my new macbook- it's neat. I like it. I am tackling the router and transfer of files this afternoon, so we'll see how much I like it then.

5. CB has a loose tooth. What's the going rate for a first tooth?

Relationships

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
I can still hear my grandfathers quiet voice telling me this advice when I was in high school and moaning about the latest boy crush. It seemed really simple- no subtext, no agenda, no manipulations. Just be clear.
I was masterful at predicting (and maneuvering) events to go the way I wanted them to, all with a smooth tongue of vagueness, and overall selfish conversation. After causing a lot of heartache, I decided that Grampa's advice should be heeded and used. So I changed my bad self- and have come to the startling conclusion that: Relationships are hard. Effective communication makes them easier.
Here are my observations about good relationships:

• Honest Feelings. Not brutal, not confrontational. I may not react to something right away mostly because I need time to process information. But I will always find a way to be honest about how I feel when it really counts.
• I genuinely care about what other people are doing, and try to keep myself out of the conversation until I am asked. Here's why: I know me. If I start in about me, I will just continue to talk about me and what I am doing until the cows come home. And that's not a relationship! That's me blathering on about me. Who wants that?!?! Now, I do have a great set of friends I call on when something is bothering me. That's what girlfriends are for!
• Everyone likes to be accepted. (Like Christina is an affirming shopper...$300 vacuum? Oh Yeah!) It's not like I am a cheerleader, I just look for the positive things and go for them. If I disagree with someone, I am careful to disagree with their idea, not their personality. I love the variety of people I know and cherish because of this ability.
• I like to ask questions. I really want to know why, who, when, and what. I'm a reporter with no newspaper or writing skills.

I know this is cheesy and dumb, but I really like all the people I know- I am lucky to have such neat people in my life.

Any ideas on what makes your good relationships good?

Back to me...

So I tried out the new format for the new year. Wasn't making me nearly as happy. I like paper, and this looks like parchment.

I want to know how Ms Christina over there at Latte in Hand gets her fancy pants fabric page. I am not so crafty with the blog.

But I am so cold and tired in the basement I have to go upstairs and go to bed. Here are a couple of holiday photos to keep you company while I rest...

Things I am Thankful for...

Ok, who cares about me, how about the things I am thankful for...

1. Hot Chocolate
2. Cheeky kisses, huggles, nosey nosers, gentle hands, and cold ears
3. 3T polka dot nightgowns
4. Lavender baby wash
5. Preschooler naps
6. Nice conversations and discussions with my parents
7. Sisters/ Mom weekends away
8. Concerts
9. Clean laundry, washed floors, vacuumed carpets
10. Giada, Jamie and Nigella on Saturday mornings
11. My sensitive, tough, intelligent and sweet siblings.
12. My friends, their complications and mine
13. Patrick Michael
14. Chopin Mazurkas, Bach Cantatas, Schubert Leider, Brahms Requiem
15. Black and White photography
16. Learning new music, even ABBA
17. Mastering old music
18. Wild dreams, crazy life. There is a big difference.
19. Creamy lobster bisque, chicken and mushroom stuffed pastry, chocolate torte
20. Positive balances, tax refunds, having way more than enough
21. Water coloring
22. Writing blog entries
23. The Holy Spirit whose presence blesses my life daily
24. The discipline of work- I love my vocation.
25. Ummm... LIFE!! It's a gift

25 things about me.

I live in two distinct worlds. The outside world and the inside world. I love both of them and wouldn't trade either for anything. There are a few things present in both, one of which is God, another is music. You may get a glimpse of the inside if you hear me sing when no one is around. You are actually reading more about the inside than the out. Congrats. And Why am I doing this???
Patrick and I have been married for 11 years, he is my rock and my joy and my passion. There is no one who drives me crazier, no one I love more, and no one I would rather fight with or for.
I have a big family with lots of siblings each of whom I would easily give my life for. Like my sister said, this fact has shaped who I am, it has given me a strange support system and taught me about life. Dramatic AND True.
I have always had a relationship with God, just not one with Jesus. That has changed as I figure out what real love actually is. I loathe and love Christianity at the same time. CS Lewis has helped.
I am stupidly curious. This has subsided as I get older, and now I am intelligently stupidly curious. I want to know what people think of me, and I don’t want to really know all at the same time. I shouldn’t care, but I do. Then I hate myself for caring. Really, I am just neurotic.
I love to read philosophy books, I love history. I also like a candy store novel, too. I don’t like pop psychology or philosophy. Sorry Malcolm Gladwell.
I read really fast. One summer I read more books at the Tremont Library than Heather Green, the girl who ALWAYS read the most books. That same summer I also beat Carissa Shafer in the Tennis Ladder but only because she didn't show up and had to forfeit. I always leave that part out of the story.
I was ridiculed as a child for being different. I am ridiculed as an adult for being different. The difference is now I actually like who I am.
I have heard that one should live with no regrets. That's ridiculous. I have made huge life altering mistakes that I regret frequently. I have learned a lot of hard lessons and have also forgiven myself. I have a little bitterness in my life. I hide it. Badly.
I loved my bedroom when I was a child. It had yellow ruffle curtains and a hard tile floor. Nothing matched despite our attempts to make it into the catalogue look. I had a big closet stuffed with neat things like old clothes and toys and papers that were fun to look through.
I am very tactile. I love to feel things like paper, heavy pens, fabric, skin, hair. There is nothing better than to climb into bed, breathe and feel. Yeah Baby!
I practice a Benign Dictatorship style of parenting. I am starting to feel it might be a mistake. I think I am supposed to be teaching them to make decisions on their own. I fear they may want to become non benign dictators in their own lives. Dear God they do make me laugh.
13 Is my favorite number. I was born on a 13. I am a little narcissistic. Haven’t you noticed?
My favorite color is yellow. But not neon or super bright yellow. I like sunlight influenced yellow, butter yellow: Real butter, not fake. Then I like blue and green. I love Delft Blue. Ohh and Lapis Lazuli. And Aquamarine.
I love large bodies of water. I went to Seattle at 16 by myself to stay with some friends of my parents. I sat in Edwardsville at Puget Sound for 3 hours while their family went hiking. I was on some big rocks by the sound and I just watched the water lap up and down. I listened to the rhythm, watched the waves, looked down as far as I could, and completely zoned out. No drug induced high was ever like that. It’s happened again at Kiawah Island, and in Maui. I really need to see the ocean again. When I get really depressed I start planning my escape to the ocean. Next Stop: Newfoundland.
I hate socks. I hate dry skin. Which is why I hate socks. If and when I wear socks, I must slather a mixture of Vaseline and Lubriderm lotion on my feet before I put on the dreaded garment. And pantyhose are from the devil. Please don’t put them on me when I die. Socks or pantyhose.
And about dying. I am a little paranoid about dying young. I have all these plans in place for when it actually happens. I have not really come close to death. I don’t particularly fear it, I am just curious. See # 5. Which also explains frequent bouts of recklessness when I was younger.
I drink juice in the middle of the night. I always put it into a glass. It’s ok if the glass is plastic. Milk however must always be drunk out of a glass glass. It cannot be drunk out of a plastic cup and GOD FORBID drink it out of the plastic jug. Gag me with a spoon.
I am running out of interesting things about me. So we will leave it at 19. Should have probably left it at 4 or 5. There may be a couple more.
I had 9 cars between the ages of 16 and 21. My dad danced a jig when I got married because I was off his car insurance.
I, again like my sister, have always had better rapport with men than women. I count among my friends writers, filmmakers, artists, musicians, composers, sculptors, insurance people, photographers, lawyers, builders, mothers, fathers, and actors. Some of these people have day jobs, others don’t.
I love my parents. I am very happy they are still here. I will still need them when I am 80.
My girlfriends are each and every one a high maintenance person. I wouldn’t trade the hard work I do with them for some easy go along get along person any day. They are a wonderful group of people who are brutally honest and loyal, and not intimidated or afraid to tell me when I am an idiot. They can also take my inane rationalization and tell me if I am wrong. I value each and every one of them. They are also crazy when in the same room.
I like wine. I like beer. I don’t like being drunk. Anymore. Way too much information for any one person to handle about me

I am in a creative funk- there is nothing in my head but sudafed and advil. Check back in a couple weeks. maybe something fuzzy and warm will hop in there and get moving.
maybe not. here's the rundown in my brain:
Listening to vivaldi- love it.
Listening to brazillian pop- starting to love it.
Happy blago is gone. scott did a good job not laughing. I would not have kept a straight face while he was giving his stupid speech.
Pat Quinn good. I hope.
Happy to not be sick.
Hope the sneezy kids aren't getting sick.
Love the fam
cocopugs got a bob
CB growing her bangs
Pat's home a lot
Haven't sang in 3 weeks.
My home is relatively clean and put together.
This was fun, must eat.
Later!

Alex's Take

And Alex Replies:


Ok, that's better.

I wanted to address the topic of the shortcomings of socialism, viz abuse and general impracticability.

I think that it is true that any system you and I devise, be it ever so Utopian or austere, will be subject to abuse. Such is the nature of human ingenuity. In a population of 300 or 300 million souls, you're going to get some bad apples. But I think it's a bit like our justice system when it is functioning properly. Better that a few crooks go free rather than one innocent man be imprisoned (ask Jeff). Similarly, I would rather help the poor generally knowing that there will be an undeserving few gaming the system. Our economy can absorb it. All we can do is guard against corruption becoming institutionalized (maybe better skip Illinois) and teach folks to respect the system. Stigmatize misuse of the system instead of the class of people who must avail themselves of it.

Is there is something in one of your favorite texts about human fallibility? Amen to that, sister.

I think it is possible to make the "just human nature" argument to admit, pardon or deny any human enterprise. Our current economic woes may be chalked up in part to unscrupulous banking types practising a species of "human nature", Similarly, the dark satanic mills of the laissez faire capitalist19th century;"human nature". (sorry about the plague of nouns in that last sentence)

But it if it is human nature to exploit and abuse our fellow human, it is just as human nature to behave cooperatively and to help each other out. We are a social animal, not a bunch of opportunistic cheetahs on the Savannah. Look around you. Everything that you can see and touch and think about is the result of human cooperation.

The winners in our capitalist system like to tell you the lie that they won the game because of something greater than all of us. That their political ideology is somehow encoded in our genes.

But I know that when I look in my heart, it just ain't so.

Your Comrade in Our Struggle Against Capitalist Oppression and the Bourgeoisie Running Dog of False Consciousness,

Che

Socialist is a bad word?

I am posting this without permission from my dear friend Alister... the following is an email exhange we have had for the last couple of days, it has been edited in spots to remove irrelavant content. Feel free to comment, throw in your ideas, etc- I am interested to hear thoughts on where I am faulty, and where democracy fits in with what Jesus teaches. I will get his permission later on, and post any reply he might have. I don't think he reads my blog...

Alex:
>> Thinking of you and your various travails. Hoping your kids are> keeping their chins up.>Still poring through Derrida. Some of his ideas about language and> culture do indeed feel musical. His ideas about words being defined by> other words (and indeed words they are not) is such a musical idea. We> all admire the restraint of the great composers. How they say so much> while saying so little.> For some reason, British and American> philosophy professors tend to be analytical positivists and totally> preoccupied with the question, "How logical is my logic?"> I have been beginning to doubt the foundational tenets of analytical> philosophy. It can project a sort of sneering certainty about the> world that, well, makes me a bit suspicious.> Cisco and Shiva got their last proper walk probably for a couple of> days. Too bitterly cold for my little African friends!> Hope all is well. Haven't been able to spare a nanosecond to look at> those scores. Hope to get a chance later this week.> A
Jane:
>> Good Morning!> We are doing alright- accepting things as they come, which is sort of all> Pat and I can do. The kids are great & we are careful to keep Leah indoors> during this cold- it seems to bother her legs and we can see the stiffness> in her hips and legs.> Derrida is someone I have only read about- I have never studied any of his> writings, etc, but will welcome the chance once you are done. I always> like a good mind bend. I did give our socialism conversation much thought and have concluded that what I thought may not be so and maybe I am missing something. But that's another day- Tell the doggies aunt janie says hallo!
More later> J
Alex:
Right on.Socialism is the most ethical option. "From each according to their abilities. To each according to their needs." What could be more fair?Derrida in his refusal to privilege analytical truth above metaphysical truth (or any kind of truth) I feel provides a way for me to come to grips with religion and 'faith'.I have always been mystified by all of that, but a militant atheism merely says "no", without answering any questions.Someone did a lot of throwing up at my house yesterday, but everyone looks fine. Also mystifying.
Jane:
Seriously why do you make me think!!?!?
I hope the doggies are both ok, puke sucks.
Socialism has it's most basic roots in Christianity, and it is an ideal form of what Jesus preached on the sermon on the mount- Matthew 5-7 if you care to look here is a link: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205-7;&version=31;
You can look up any translation, which I also like about this site.
Anyhoo, I agree totally in the ideal. The reality, however is of course convoluted and as disheveled as democracy is in America. I truly do believe that people do what they do out of a sincerity and genuine desire to do what is right, but at some point, they start to watch out for themselves first, on whatever scale. If it is a grand scale, you get Karl Marx making statements about socialism turning into communism and the horrors of Stalin and the USSR, on a smaller scale you have the french. In France there is a totally accepted and expected form of abuse to the socialist nature of government called Tuyau, literally pipe- they bypass government rules to get more for themselves than they have earned, or what they feel they are entitled to. This is why socialism doesn't work. An aspect of human nature is one of entitlement. Our current society doesn't help that aspect, either.
Ethically, I am with you- and I don't know the solution, which is why I tend to vote based on the value of life in a society. Pro life, no death penalty- there is no party to fully reflect what I believe. Republicans use their version of God to scare people and get what they want, which is war: no sanctity of life there, and Dems are not counting personal responsibility in the distribution of goods and services to be provided by the government. By the way I support planned parenthood and it's endeavor to promote education on sex and birth control- I disagree with their stance on abortion. When human life is valued above all else, things should be kept in equal measure. Those who are unable to help themselves should be helped by the government. The government should make provisions for those who try and fail, those who need due to illness, circumstances, etc. I vote based on hope, as do you. The reality is just not so. Our system is crumbling slowly right now, I hope it can be shored up long enough to keep my kids safe and secure. Because they are entitled!! Duh!
I also feel the need to philosophically reconcile my faith- I question God all the time, but I don't doubt in His creation, or His love for me and of humanity. And I think God wants this of me-
I am also able to reconcile Darwin and evolution with the question: Why not?!?!
have a nice Friday! J

What happens when little girls play Godzilla

HodgePodge

I had no real topic to discuss today, no sage insights to life, just a lot of laundry calling my name. "Jane- fold us so we can be worn again, thrown about, stained, washed, dried and back here to see you in 2 weeks!"

So the blog is a diversion, you see, and therefore, not planned or thought out.

Let's see:

I have been making lots of phone calls this week to ensure no homefront financial crisis occurs. I called the insurance folks to check our rates and be sure we were getting the best deal. I spoke with our mortgage guy to get started on a refi, rates are super low, you should check it out! And we are re-evaluating our budget, always a fun conversation.
The food is an area we spend a lot of money on. I read, hear and see a lot of things about cooking to save money, using coupons, making concessions to good food to save money. I just cannot do it. If we were eating crap all the time, maybe. We have cut McD's out of our diet, (almost) and are trying to cut on the junk. But I am not giving up dinners out with friends, a good bottle of wine, or Sam Adams. We are sacrificing something wonderful, I am sure, but what is really more fun than having someone else clean up the dinner dishes while you enjoy the last lime infused swash of Corona? Yes, I've added up the dollars, and it's appalling. We are thinking seriously about the time we spend eating out and have cut back significantly. Just not out.
I am packing more snacks to take along so I don't go for the easy out, and making sure the kids have plenty of fruits and veggies to pick from at home. We have to follow a pretty strict dietary and urinary schedule with the kids to keep them healthy.
So more news:
They both have Vesicourteal Reflux, and CB is having surgery next month to correct it. I am aprehensive about it. She's had surgery before to remove her tonsils and adenoids due to sleep apnea. We've been through it. I just hate to see her in pain. This will also require a change in habits for at least a couple of weeks during recovery. She will have to stay quiet, not run around. For her this will be torture by frustration. She thrives on being active, she expresses herself through being active. I am open to suggestions on how to divert her attention for a while...
Miss Cocopugs, on the other hand, only needs to be potty trained by May. Not a daunting task, but she is a bit stubborn. I missed the quiet window of just doing it without discussion. But with Cocopugs, everything is a discussion. A long drawn out discussion. Usually while sitting on said potty for at least 20 minutes. (definitely her fathers' child) We still have hope that she will grow out of her condition and not have to have surgery. We won't know for a couple of years, but she will be monitored closely for the time being.
It's all out of my hands at this point, and not worth worrying about the consequenses. I am attempting to cope.

New Year Motivations

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

God promises:
To listen whenever we care to engage Him in conversation
To work all things for good, regardless of our control attempts
To provide eternal rest through his son, Jesus

I have made promises before, I am not perfect at keeping them. As I have gotten older, I recognize what motivates me to keep my promises, and it is Love. Real love, not lust, not passion, not hey, I kind of like you, but sacrificing, I don’t want to change you Love. I am fortunate enough to have a huge variety of people in my life: Christian, Jewish, atheists, agnostics, some very religious, some anti religious. My faith is constantly tested, challenged, and heavily weighed in my own mind.
There are facets of modern Christianity that really make me angry, some I completely question, and some areas I totally fail in. I attempt to live a thoughtful, creative life consistent with the mind and life I have been graciously given. I fail even at this. I desire good, and believe good motivates most people. I am honestly surprised when ill intentions are revealed and even then I attempt to find some good in the bad choices.
I become overwhelmed with what people think of me, how they think of me, and why they think of me. Sometimes this motivates my behavior, and it is an honest yet ugly thing. But it is human.
My resolution this year is to be motivated by Love, not self.
God sets us up for this beautifully in Corinthians 13. I had lots of time to ruminate on these words when I worked for the archdiocese of Chicago and listened to the same homily week after week at wedding after wedding. Aha! It’s about God. And Perfect Love. And motivation by the standards of behaviors set up by the verses. It takes time and effort to explore relationships to the point of being able to apply the motivating behaviors of Love, and show others God’s love before your own. But first, the realization must set in that God loves you in this way, and that God does not ask you to change, His love just changes your perspective on all things. And you change. (this is not an overnight trip, BTW, God works in His own time. Sometimes, progress is slow)
I certainly don’t have perfect relationships, but I try to maintain honesty and integrity, and thoughtfulness. I want to live with Intrinsic Obligation: motivation based on what an individual thinks ought to be done. And here it is: Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Happy New Year!