Sam

I had a great voice lesson on Wednesday, my voice seems to finally be responding to all this practice and I feel security. This does not guarantee a great performance, but it helps mentally...
My coach and I have been really focused on technique, which is sometimes difficult because his method of singing is completely different than how I was taught. He is from St Petersburg, Russia, and went to the music academy there. We sometimes have heated discussions about technique, why we do things, and I am not entirely sure he doesn't stage some of these events to force me to defend myself... It is such a challenge and I completely love it.
I am fortunate to have such a mentor and friend.
Now to memorize 8 pages of 19th century Russian.
No brilliant words today, I have work to do!

Innie or Outie?

Ok, Myers-Briggs is at it again...

I took the personality test about 6 years ago when my life was vastly different, no music save for the rock band in a bar and personal drama. No children, the spouse and I were buddies but not as close as we are now, and I had a corporate type career.
I scored as an ENFJ back then. I scored E/I NFJ yesterday, I was tied for Extrovert and Introvert. The book said to do some self examination and decide which fits you best. CRAP!!

• First, I can't believe I scored that close, even though my personality hasn't really changed, I just acknowledge it more in how I chose to live, which is very freeing.
• Second, I am a bit apathetic about being either an introvert or extrovert, I don't like the extremes of either one.
• Finally, I do carry on an internal war in which they battle over how to handle certain situations. Right now the introvert who doesn't want to be exposed at my upcoming recital as a hack musician is fighting the extrovert who CRAVES to be noticed as a good musician.

By the way, the introvert is winning by using such tactics as avoidance: If I write a brilliant blog, I won't have to practice, and then I won't be ready. Score!
But the extrovert says: Janie, turn on your Ipod- listen while you work, enjoy the music, sing out loud - you will learn and love, then you can be comfortable with the music- Don't fight it, baby!

Someone once accurately described me as capricious. I had to look it up, but by God, he was right. One can see why I am a mess, albeit an adorable one.

Proof that God has a serious sense of humor

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/10/16/disco.song.health.ap/index.html#cnnSTCText

This was in our local paper this morning and made me laugh out loud.

In other reader news, I have a recital coming up and will be blogging this week about practice, procrastination and production... later.

Thanks Christina!!

The happy living room

Christina is coming! Christina is coming! (as long as Coop is healthy...) I have a conundrum in my living room and as I am talented in many aspects of the arts, arranging pictures is not my bag. SO Christina is coming! to help. I am a bit excited and will post before and afters later this week. WOO HOO!

Also, can I express my happiness at the spellchecker not finding anything wrong with any normal words in my blog? I may be learning to spell here at the ripe old age of 32.

Reading

I love to read. I love to read to myself, I love to read out loud, and I especially love children's books.
On my sidebar I have listed the books my children love best, and there are exclusions mainly because I am too lazy to go check authors and complete titles. But I will add those in the near future.
I read to the kids at least once a day, sometimes just one book, and sometimes a whole stack and it takes an hour or two to finish them. Yes, my children do sit on my lap and listen, especially before naptime.
I read at the expense of the house being cleaned, laundry being folded, and floors being vacuumed.
Cocopugs and I went to the library yesterday, a rare treat without big sister along. We played puzzles for a LONG time, went to the discovery room and played with more puzzles, then went searching for our latest stash to take home. I discovered Barbara McClintock's book Dahlia and her illustrated version of A Little Princess. I love her illustrations, and her stories are really nice. Mom had given the book Simon & Adele, also by McClintock, at a birthday, and we look at that book for a long time trying to find all of Simon's lost things.
We also love Judy Schachner's little anti-hero Skippyjon Jones. He is ALWAYS in trouble, but also very imaginative and funny. It is from the first book we swiped the name Cocopugs for our little one. And the name fits. She is silly and serious all in a very Skippyjon Jones way.
Sometimes I tell the kids "No Reading, now"- or "We've read that one already today, get another one!" Or "Mommy is reading quietly, GO PLAY!!" On just one of those occasions, I happened to notice things had gotten a bit quiet back in the bedrooms, so I snuck up to the door, peeked in and THERE was the big one reading to the little one from the pictures. My heart swelled with pride and joy at this cute little scene. I did not look either of them directly in the eyes, I just backed out very slowly and moved quietly back to the couch where I read in peace for at least another two minutes... AHHH Bliss.

Janie's Kitchen

My big girl likes to play restaurant, and is currently telling me there is "NO CAKE, mom, only Ice Cream.

And if you don't order anything, I will take your baby turtle away. Order Something!! "

No matter that the food will be a little rubbery, and the company a little uncouth.

How can I resist hamburgers, fries and and ice cream sundae in my robe at 7:45AM on a Monday morning?!?!?

Lachen und Weinen

Last month I had the worst mothering week I have had in a long time. The bad was amplified and punctuated by some mild depression due to the perpetual motion of mothering. I felt trapped, unmotivated, selfish and unloved. I actually threatened my birthday girl with party cancellations, and had to work out some spouse issues. I had a 5 year old beautician with a 2 year old client. Her work was NOT Shear Genius. I had a house to get ready for company, not to mention a happy face to put on. I failed at it all miserably. But here’s where it gets ugly:
I truly hate the idea that I am not perfect and cannot do all the things I want to do for my kids, my friends, my husband, and myself.
And GOD?!?! I want His perfection; I crave His energy. I desperately want the patient attitude and the kind disposition. I lust for the ability to control & create everything. I forget that there is only one person in the history of the world that possessed those perfect qualities, and I am destined to fail if I attempt it. And so I end up behaving sinfully, too. That ends in the perfect Drama: Death and separation.
So where was He? He was seeing through the ugliness in me. God was being the perfect parent with enough grace, kindness, and strength to get me through to the beauty of today. That ends in the perfect Comedy: A divine marriage of Universe and man, Christ and his bride.
For now, the spotlight has moved away from me for a while, and shifted to those things that are truly bigger than my woes. Introspection is good, but not at the expense of my eternal soul. Accepting limitations, expecting to improve through work and being blessed by the whole of what is around me is the glorious part of being human.
So where is the sanity? Creatively inspired, lovingly implemented. God is good, and big enough to put up with me, my ego, my joy and my pain. And big enough for the 100 billion other mothers who are going through the exact same emotions and turmoil.
Ahhh, back to being one grain of sand on the beach, instead of Mt. Everest.

The Tyrannosaurus Twos

Correct behavior
means that you are
occupied with commendable activity.
-Ata


Wow- The pressures of teaching your children what is correct behavior, vs courteous behavior, vs socially acceptable behavior, and teaching discernment to boot?!?! No wonder I have a headache.

Ahhh...Autumn

October is my favorite month. But don’t tell March, June or December. They might get jealous. I whole heartedly love cooler nights, sunny crisp days and decorating for fall. I love cooking for coziness, the scary winds that blow, and the need for cute fall sweaters. Yes I am that shallow. This weekend the 5 year old and I hauled out the decorations from the closet. We set out fall candles, a cornucopia, and some bears with pumpkins, and autumn towels. I also relented and put out my cute ghosts and fiber optic kitty and pumpkin I usually reserve until the week before Halloween. The 2 year old is enamored with the lights, and they aren’t scary, just cute. Too much Halloween is a discussion for another day.
I think my mom loved the fall when I was a kid because there was always that cathartic feeling around the house when we got home that she wasn’t frazzled, AND there were cookies, and a roast. She loved the Home Sweet Home candle from Yankee and burned the wax disks in a little pot. Bach Brandenburg Concertos and baroque music played in the tape deck, a far cry from the summer Beach Boys and rock and roll. She created a very cozy warm atmosphere; it was a time of renewal for her.
To me, fall is a renewal and the true start of a promise. God’s promise to us was truly fulfilled at what seemed like an ending: The death of Christ. Fall is the reminder that even though things seem to be ending, the truth is that like Christ rising, spring will come and new life will begin. Not that I enjoy the death, but remembering and being strengthened for the hard winter ahead is the joy of these shorter brilliant days.