October Morning

At 2 AM Patrick and I both woke up for no real reason.  
He heard me toss and turn then whispered 'hey are you up?'  
'yup, but i don't wanna be'  
'me either. your feet are finally warm'


And back to sleep.  


At 5 AM my harp alarm went off and I was in the middle of a dream.  AGGGHHHH!!!
At 6 AM I finally got out of bed, grabbed the laptop and am still in bed.  I am supposed to be researching my project but I can't get motivated.  
It's 7 AM and I must start my busy day. 


This week has been too much.  
Too much thinking, too much activity, too much drama.  
This week has had too little.
Too little prayer, too little reflection, too little comfort.  


This weekend offers no relief.  We are heading up north and then back for teaching & church Sunday.  
My project is due Sunday at 11:59PM.  


I am craving a room of my own, guilt free study, clarity on issues of discernment, and a physically rested and calm body.  


This is a marathon not a sprint.  
So I'm going to lay it all down and claim the inspiration of the Holy Spirit: Hebrews 12: ^1-3 Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!  

-The Message

My Current Obsession

And I'm procrastinating.  But not really, because my paper isn't due until Sunday, and it's a reflection paper which means I have to think about what I've learned.  I do believe I must ruminate on the subject a little while before I commit any words to paper.

I want to read Tolstoy-  Anna Karenina is calling me, and mostly because of the first line:

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Reading is so amazing because an engaging author can put you in any position with any character at different times in your life.  After the loss of my first love, I felt like Anna, so hopeless in love.  Now I identify with Kitty, content in domesticity but still (hopefully) complex.  Sometimes I feel like Levin wanting to take care of everyone I meet.  And I need to read it again because I remember it being such a big read when I was younger-  I have a little more life under my belt and think I'd get more out of it this time around.  What mysteries would it hold for me now?  I think I've learned more about life reading about it than actually living it.  And especially in this case, that's a good thing.