I live in two distinct worlds. The outside world and the inside world. I love both of them and wouldn't trade either for anything. There are a few things present in both, one of which is God, another is music. You may get a glimpse of the inside if you hear me sing when no one is around. You are actually reading more about the inside than the out. Congrats. And Why am I doing this???
Patrick and I have been married for 11 years, he is my rock and my joy and my passion. There is no one who drives me crazier, no one I love more, and no one I would rather fight with or for.
I have a big family with lots of siblings each of whom I would easily give my life for. Like my sister said, this fact has shaped who I am, it has given me a strange support system and taught me about life. Dramatic AND True.
I have always had a relationship with God, just not one with Jesus. That has changed as I figure out what real love actually is. I loathe and love Christianity at the same time. CS Lewis has helped.
I am stupidly curious. This has subsided as I get older, and now I am intelligently stupidly curious. I want to know what people think of me, and I don’t want to really know all at the same time. I shouldn’t care, but I do. Then I hate myself for caring. Really, I am just neurotic.
I love to read philosophy books, I love history. I also like a candy store novel, too. I don’t like pop psychology or philosophy. Sorry Malcolm Gladwell.
I read really fast. One summer I read more books at the Tremont Library than Heather Green, the girl who ALWAYS read the most books. That same summer I also beat Carissa Shafer in the Tennis Ladder but only because she didn't show up and had to forfeit. I always leave that part out of the story.
I was ridiculed as a child for being different. I am ridiculed as an adult for being different. The difference is now I actually like who I am.
I have heard that one should live with no regrets. That's ridiculous. I have made huge life altering mistakes that I regret frequently. I have learned a lot of hard lessons and have also forgiven myself. I have a little bitterness in my life. I hide it. Badly.
I loved my bedroom when I was a child. It had yellow ruffle curtains and a hard tile floor. Nothing matched despite our attempts to make it into the catalogue look. I had a big closet stuffed with neat things like old clothes and toys and papers that were fun to look through.
I am very tactile. I love to feel things like paper, heavy pens, fabric, skin, hair. There is nothing better than to climb into bed, breathe and feel. Yeah Baby!
I practice a Benign Dictatorship style of parenting. I am starting to feel it might be a mistake. I think I am supposed to be teaching them to make decisions on their own. I fear they may want to become non benign dictators in their own lives. Dear God they do make me laugh.
13 Is my favorite number. I was born on a 13. I am a little narcissistic. Haven’t you noticed?
My favorite color is yellow. But not neon or super bright yellow. I like sunlight influenced yellow, butter yellow: Real butter, not fake. Then I like blue and green. I love Delft Blue. Ohh and Lapis Lazuli. And Aquamarine.
I love large bodies of water. I went to Seattle at 16 by myself to stay with some friends of my parents. I sat in Edwardsville at Puget Sound for 3 hours while their family went hiking. I was on some big rocks by the sound and I just watched the water lap up and down. I listened to the rhythm, watched the waves, looked down as far as I could, and completely zoned out. No drug induced high was ever like that. It’s happened again at Kiawah Island, and in Maui. I really need to see the ocean again. When I get really depressed I start planning my escape to the ocean. Next Stop: Newfoundland.
I hate socks. I hate dry skin. Which is why I hate socks. If and when I wear socks, I must slather a mixture of Vaseline and Lubriderm lotion on my feet before I put on the dreaded garment. And pantyhose are from the devil. Please don’t put them on me when I die. Socks or pantyhose.
And about dying. I am a little paranoid about dying young. I have all these plans in place for when it actually happens. I have not really come close to death. I don’t particularly fear it, I am just curious. See # 5. Which also explains frequent bouts of recklessness when I was younger.
I drink juice in the middle of the night. I always put it into a glass. It’s ok if the glass is plastic. Milk however must always be drunk out of a glass glass. It cannot be drunk out of a plastic cup and GOD FORBID drink it out of the plastic jug. Gag me with a spoon.
I am running out of interesting things about me. So we will leave it at 19. Should have probably left it at 4 or 5. There may be a couple more.
I had 9 cars between the ages of 16 and 21. My dad danced a jig when I got married because I was off his car insurance.
I, again like my sister, have always had better rapport with men than women. I count among my friends writers, filmmakers, artists, musicians, composers, sculptors, insurance people, photographers, lawyers, builders, mothers, fathers, and actors. Some of these people have day jobs, others don’t.
I love my parents. I am very happy they are still here. I will still need them when I am 80.
My girlfriends are each and every one a high maintenance person. I wouldn’t trade the hard work I do with them for some easy go along get along person any day. They are a wonderful group of people who are brutally honest and loyal, and not intimidated or afraid to tell me when I am an idiot. They can also take my inane rationalization and tell me if I am wrong. I value each and every one of them. They are also crazy when in the same room.
I like wine. I like beer. I don’t like being drunk. Anymore. Way too much information for any one person to handle about me
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
I am in a creative funk- there is nothing in my head but sudafed and advil. Check back in a couple weeks. maybe something fuzzy and warm will hop in there and get moving.
maybe not. here's the rundown in my brain:
Listening to vivaldi- love it.
Listening to brazillian pop- starting to love it.
Happy blago is gone. scott did a good job not laughing. I would not have kept a straight face while he was giving his stupid speech.
Pat Quinn good. I hope.
Happy to not be sick.
Hope the sneezy kids aren't getting sick.
Love the fam
cocopugs got a bob
CB growing her bangs
Pat's home a lot
Haven't sang in 3 weeks.
My home is relatively clean and put together.
This was fun, must eat.
Later!
maybe not. here's the rundown in my brain:
Listening to vivaldi- love it.
Listening to brazillian pop- starting to love it.
Happy blago is gone. scott did a good job not laughing. I would not have kept a straight face while he was giving his stupid speech.
Pat Quinn good. I hope.
Happy to not be sick.
Hope the sneezy kids aren't getting sick.
Love the fam
cocopugs got a bob
CB growing her bangs
Pat's home a lot
Haven't sang in 3 weeks.
My home is relatively clean and put together.
This was fun, must eat.
Later!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Alex's Take
And Alex Replies:
Ok, that's better.
I wanted to address the topic of the shortcomings of socialism, viz abuse and general impracticability.
I think that it is true that any system you and I devise, be it ever so Utopian or austere, will be subject to abuse. Such is the nature of human ingenuity. In a population of 300 or 300 million souls, you're going to get some bad apples. But I think it's a bit like our justice system when it is functioning properly. Better that a few crooks go free rather than one innocent man be imprisoned (ask Jeff). Similarly, I would rather help the poor generally knowing that there will be an undeserving few gaming the system. Our economy can absorb it. All we can do is guard against corruption becoming institutionalized (maybe better skip Illinois) and teach folks to respect the system. Stigmatize misuse of the system instead of the class of people who must avail themselves of it.
Is there is something in one of your favorite texts about human fallibility? Amen to that, sister.
I think it is possible to make the "just human nature" argument to admit, pardon or deny any human enterprise. Our current economic woes may be chalked up in part to unscrupulous banking types practising a species of "human nature", Similarly, the dark satanic mills of the laissez faire capitalist19th century;"human nature". (sorry about the plague of nouns in that last sentence)
But it if it is human nature to exploit and abuse our fellow human, it is just as human nature to behave cooperatively and to help each other out. We are a social animal, not a bunch of opportunistic cheetahs on the Savannah. Look around you. Everything that you can see and touch and think about is the result of human cooperation.
The winners in our capitalist system like to tell you the lie that they won the game because of something greater than all of us. That their political ideology is somehow encoded in our genes.
But I know that when I look in my heart, it just ain't so.
Your Comrade in Our Struggle Against Capitalist Oppression and the Bourgeoisie Running Dog of False Consciousness,
Che
Ok, that's better.
I wanted to address the topic of the shortcomings of socialism, viz abuse and general impracticability.
I think that it is true that any system you and I devise, be it ever so Utopian or austere, will be subject to abuse. Such is the nature of human ingenuity. In a population of 300 or 300 million souls, you're going to get some bad apples. But I think it's a bit like our justice system when it is functioning properly. Better that a few crooks go free rather than one innocent man be imprisoned (ask Jeff). Similarly, I would rather help the poor generally knowing that there will be an undeserving few gaming the system. Our economy can absorb it. All we can do is guard against corruption becoming institutionalized (maybe better skip Illinois) and teach folks to respect the system. Stigmatize misuse of the system instead of the class of people who must avail themselves of it.
Is there is something in one of your favorite texts about human fallibility? Amen to that, sister.
I think it is possible to make the "just human nature" argument to admit, pardon or deny any human enterprise. Our current economic woes may be chalked up in part to unscrupulous banking types practising a species of "human nature", Similarly, the dark satanic mills of the laissez faire capitalist19th century;"human nature". (sorry about the plague of nouns in that last sentence)
But it if it is human nature to exploit and abuse our fellow human, it is just as human nature to behave cooperatively and to help each other out. We are a social animal, not a bunch of opportunistic cheetahs on the Savannah. Look around you. Everything that you can see and touch and think about is the result of human cooperation.
The winners in our capitalist system like to tell you the lie that they won the game because of something greater than all of us. That their political ideology is somehow encoded in our genes.
But I know that when I look in my heart, it just ain't so.
Your Comrade in Our Struggle Against Capitalist Oppression and the Bourgeoisie Running Dog of False Consciousness,
Che
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Socialist is a bad word?
I am posting this without permission from my dear friend Alister... the following is an email exhange we have had for the last couple of days, it has been edited in spots to remove irrelavant content. Feel free to comment, throw in your ideas, etc- I am interested to hear thoughts on where I am faulty, and where democracy fits in with what Jesus teaches. I will get his permission later on, and post any reply he might have. I don't think he reads my blog...
Alex:
>> Thinking of you and your various travails. Hoping your kids are> keeping their chins up.>Still poring through Derrida. Some of his ideas about language and> culture do indeed feel musical. His ideas about words being defined by> other words (and indeed words they are not) is such a musical idea. We> all admire the restraint of the great composers. How they say so much> while saying so little.> For some reason, British and American> philosophy professors tend to be analytical positivists and totally> preoccupied with the question, "How logical is my logic?"> I have been beginning to doubt the foundational tenets of analytical> philosophy. It can project a sort of sneering certainty about the> world that, well, makes me a bit suspicious.> Cisco and Shiva got their last proper walk probably for a couple of> days. Too bitterly cold for my little African friends!> Hope all is well. Haven't been able to spare a nanosecond to look at> those scores. Hope to get a chance later this week.> A
Jane:
>> Good Morning!> We are doing alright- accepting things as they come, which is sort of all> Pat and I can do. The kids are great & we are careful to keep Leah indoors> during this cold- it seems to bother her legs and we can see the stiffness> in her hips and legs.> Derrida is someone I have only read about- I have never studied any of his> writings, etc, but will welcome the chance once you are done. I always> like a good mind bend. I did give our socialism conversation much thought and have concluded that what I thought may not be so and maybe I am missing something. But that's another day- Tell the doggies aunt janie says hallo!
More later> J
Alex:
Right on.Socialism is the most ethical option. "From each according to their abilities. To each according to their needs." What could be more fair?Derrida in his refusal to privilege analytical truth above metaphysical truth (or any kind of truth) I feel provides a way for me to come to grips with religion and 'faith'.I have always been mystified by all of that, but a militant atheism merely says "no", without answering any questions.Someone did a lot of throwing up at my house yesterday, but everyone looks fine. Also mystifying.
Jane:
Seriously why do you make me think!!?!?
I hope the doggies are both ok, puke sucks.
Socialism has it's most basic roots in Christianity, and it is an ideal form of what Jesus preached on the sermon on the mount- Matthew 5-7 if you care to look here is a link: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205-7;&version=31;
You can look up any translation, which I also like about this site.
Anyhoo, I agree totally in the ideal. The reality, however is of course convoluted and as disheveled as democracy is in America. I truly do believe that people do what they do out of a sincerity and genuine desire to do what is right, but at some point, they start to watch out for themselves first, on whatever scale. If it is a grand scale, you get Karl Marx making statements about socialism turning into communism and the horrors of Stalin and the USSR, on a smaller scale you have the french. In France there is a totally accepted and expected form of abuse to the socialist nature of government called Tuyau, literally pipe- they bypass government rules to get more for themselves than they have earned, or what they feel they are entitled to. This is why socialism doesn't work. An aspect of human nature is one of entitlement. Our current society doesn't help that aspect, either.
Ethically, I am with you- and I don't know the solution, which is why I tend to vote based on the value of life in a society. Pro life, no death penalty- there is no party to fully reflect what I believe. Republicans use their version of God to scare people and get what they want, which is war: no sanctity of life there, and Dems are not counting personal responsibility in the distribution of goods and services to be provided by the government. By the way I support planned parenthood and it's endeavor to promote education on sex and birth control- I disagree with their stance on abortion. When human life is valued above all else, things should be kept in equal measure. Those who are unable to help themselves should be helped by the government. The government should make provisions for those who try and fail, those who need due to illness, circumstances, etc. I vote based on hope, as do you. The reality is just not so. Our system is crumbling slowly right now, I hope it can be shored up long enough to keep my kids safe and secure. Because they are entitled!! Duh!
I also feel the need to philosophically reconcile my faith- I question God all the time, but I don't doubt in His creation, or His love for me and of humanity. And I think God wants this of me-
I am also able to reconcile Darwin and evolution with the question: Why not?!?!
have a nice Friday! J
Alex:
>> Thinking of you and your various travails. Hoping your kids are> keeping their chins up.>Still poring through Derrida. Some of his ideas about language and> culture do indeed feel musical. His ideas about words being defined by> other words (and indeed words they are not) is such a musical idea. We> all admire the restraint of the great composers. How they say so much> while saying so little.> For some reason, British and American> philosophy professors tend to be analytical positivists and totally> preoccupied with the question, "How logical is my logic?"> I have been beginning to doubt the foundational tenets of analytical> philosophy. It can project a sort of sneering certainty about the> world that, well, makes me a bit suspicious.> Cisco and Shiva got their last proper walk probably for a couple of> days. Too bitterly cold for my little African friends!> Hope all is well. Haven't been able to spare a nanosecond to look at> those scores. Hope to get a chance later this week.> A
Jane:
>> Good Morning!> We are doing alright- accepting things as they come, which is sort of all> Pat and I can do. The kids are great & we are careful to keep Leah indoors> during this cold- it seems to bother her legs and we can see the stiffness> in her hips and legs.> Derrida is someone I have only read about- I have never studied any of his> writings, etc, but will welcome the chance once you are done. I always> like a good mind bend. I did give our socialism conversation much thought and have concluded that what I thought may not be so and maybe I am missing something. But that's another day- Tell the doggies aunt janie says hallo!
More later> J
Alex:
Right on.Socialism is the most ethical option. "From each according to their abilities. To each according to their needs." What could be more fair?Derrida in his refusal to privilege analytical truth above metaphysical truth (or any kind of truth) I feel provides a way for me to come to grips with religion and 'faith'.I have always been mystified by all of that, but a militant atheism merely says "no", without answering any questions.Someone did a lot of throwing up at my house yesterday, but everyone looks fine. Also mystifying.
Jane:
Seriously why do you make me think!!?!?
I hope the doggies are both ok, puke sucks.
Socialism has it's most basic roots in Christianity, and it is an ideal form of what Jesus preached on the sermon on the mount- Matthew 5-7 if you care to look here is a link: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205-7;&version=31;
You can look up any translation, which I also like about this site.
Anyhoo, I agree totally in the ideal. The reality, however is of course convoluted and as disheveled as democracy is in America. I truly do believe that people do what they do out of a sincerity and genuine desire to do what is right, but at some point, they start to watch out for themselves first, on whatever scale. If it is a grand scale, you get Karl Marx making statements about socialism turning into communism and the horrors of Stalin and the USSR, on a smaller scale you have the french. In France there is a totally accepted and expected form of abuse to the socialist nature of government called Tuyau, literally pipe- they bypass government rules to get more for themselves than they have earned, or what they feel they are entitled to. This is why socialism doesn't work. An aspect of human nature is one of entitlement. Our current society doesn't help that aspect, either.
Ethically, I am with you- and I don't know the solution, which is why I tend to vote based on the value of life in a society. Pro life, no death penalty- there is no party to fully reflect what I believe. Republicans use their version of God to scare people and get what they want, which is war: no sanctity of life there, and Dems are not counting personal responsibility in the distribution of goods and services to be provided by the government. By the way I support planned parenthood and it's endeavor to promote education on sex and birth control- I disagree with their stance on abortion. When human life is valued above all else, things should be kept in equal measure. Those who are unable to help themselves should be helped by the government. The government should make provisions for those who try and fail, those who need due to illness, circumstances, etc. I vote based on hope, as do you. The reality is just not so. Our system is crumbling slowly right now, I hope it can be shored up long enough to keep my kids safe and secure. Because they are entitled!! Duh!
I also feel the need to philosophically reconcile my faith- I question God all the time, but I don't doubt in His creation, or His love for me and of humanity. And I think God wants this of me-
I am also able to reconcile Darwin and evolution with the question: Why not?!?!
have a nice Friday! J
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
HodgePodge
I had no real topic to discuss today, no sage insights to life, just a lot of laundry calling my name. "Jane- fold us so we can be worn again, thrown about, stained, washed, dried and back here to see you in 2 weeks!"
So the blog is a diversion, you see, and therefore, not planned or thought out.
Let's see:
I have been making lots of phone calls this week to ensure no homefront financial crisis occurs. I called the insurance folks to check our rates and be sure we were getting the best deal. I spoke with our mortgage guy to get started on a refi, rates are super low, you should check it out! And we are re-evaluating our budget, always a fun conversation.
The food is an area we spend a lot of money on. I read, hear and see a lot of things about cooking to save money, using coupons, making concessions to good food to save money. I just cannot do it. If we were eating crap all the time, maybe. We have cut McD's out of our diet, (almost) and are trying to cut on the junk. But I am not giving up dinners out with friends, a good bottle of wine, or Sam Adams. We are sacrificing something wonderful, I am sure, but what is really more fun than having someone else clean up the dinner dishes while you enjoy the last lime infused swash of Corona? Yes, I've added up the dollars, and it's appalling. We are thinking seriously about the time we spend eating out and have cut back significantly. Just not out.
I am packing more snacks to take along so I don't go for the easy out, and making sure the kids have plenty of fruits and veggies to pick from at home. We have to follow a pretty strict dietary and urinary schedule with the kids to keep them healthy.
So more news:
They both have Vesicourteal Reflux, and CB is having surgery next month to correct it. I am aprehensive about it. She's had surgery before to remove her tonsils and adenoids due to sleep apnea. We've been through it. I just hate to see her in pain. This will also require a change in habits for at least a couple of weeks during recovery. She will have to stay quiet, not run around. For her this will be torture by frustration. She thrives on being active, she expresses herself through being active. I am open to suggestions on how to divert her attention for a while...
Miss Cocopugs, on the other hand, only needs to be potty trained by May. Not a daunting task, but she is a bit stubborn. I missed the quiet window of just doing it without discussion. But with Cocopugs, everything is a discussion. A long drawn out discussion. Usually while sitting on said potty for at least 20 minutes. (definitely her fathers' child) We still have hope that she will grow out of her condition and not have to have surgery. We won't know for a couple of years, but she will be monitored closely for the time being.
It's all out of my hands at this point, and not worth worrying about the consequenses. I am attempting to cope.
So the blog is a diversion, you see, and therefore, not planned or thought out.
Let's see:
I have been making lots of phone calls this week to ensure no homefront financial crisis occurs. I called the insurance folks to check our rates and be sure we were getting the best deal. I spoke with our mortgage guy to get started on a refi, rates are super low, you should check it out! And we are re-evaluating our budget, always a fun conversation.
The food is an area we spend a lot of money on. I read, hear and see a lot of things about cooking to save money, using coupons, making concessions to good food to save money. I just cannot do it. If we were eating crap all the time, maybe. We have cut McD's out of our diet, (almost) and are trying to cut on the junk. But I am not giving up dinners out with friends, a good bottle of wine, or Sam Adams. We are sacrificing something wonderful, I am sure, but what is really more fun than having someone else clean up the dinner dishes while you enjoy the last lime infused swash of Corona? Yes, I've added up the dollars, and it's appalling. We are thinking seriously about the time we spend eating out and have cut back significantly. Just not out.
I am packing more snacks to take along so I don't go for the easy out, and making sure the kids have plenty of fruits and veggies to pick from at home. We have to follow a pretty strict dietary and urinary schedule with the kids to keep them healthy.
So more news:
They both have Vesicourteal Reflux, and CB is having surgery next month to correct it. I am aprehensive about it. She's had surgery before to remove her tonsils and adenoids due to sleep apnea. We've been through it. I just hate to see her in pain. This will also require a change in habits for at least a couple of weeks during recovery. She will have to stay quiet, not run around. For her this will be torture by frustration. She thrives on being active, she expresses herself through being active. I am open to suggestions on how to divert her attention for a while...
Miss Cocopugs, on the other hand, only needs to be potty trained by May. Not a daunting task, but she is a bit stubborn. I missed the quiet window of just doing it without discussion. But with Cocopugs, everything is a discussion. A long drawn out discussion. Usually while sitting on said potty for at least 20 minutes. (definitely her fathers' child) We still have hope that she will grow out of her condition and not have to have surgery. We won't know for a couple of years, but she will be monitored closely for the time being.
It's all out of my hands at this point, and not worth worrying about the consequenses. I am attempting to cope.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Year Motivations
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
God promises:
To listen whenever we care to engage Him in conversation
To work all things for good, regardless of our control attempts
To provide eternal rest through his son, Jesus
I have made promises before, I am not perfect at keeping them. As I have gotten older, I recognize what motivates me to keep my promises, and it is Love. Real love, not lust, not passion, not hey, I kind of like you, but sacrificing, I don’t want to change you Love. I am fortunate enough to have a huge variety of people in my life: Christian, Jewish, atheists, agnostics, some very religious, some anti religious. My faith is constantly tested, challenged, and heavily weighed in my own mind.
There are facets of modern Christianity that really make me angry, some I completely question, and some areas I totally fail in. I attempt to live a thoughtful, creative life consistent with the mind and life I have been graciously given. I fail even at this. I desire good, and believe good motivates most people. I am honestly surprised when ill intentions are revealed and even then I attempt to find some good in the bad choices.
I become overwhelmed with what people think of me, how they think of me, and why they think of me. Sometimes this motivates my behavior, and it is an honest yet ugly thing. But it is human.
My resolution this year is to be motivated by Love, not self.
God sets us up for this beautifully in Corinthians 13. I had lots of time to ruminate on these words when I worked for the archdiocese of Chicago and listened to the same homily week after week at wedding after wedding. Aha! It’s about God. And Perfect Love. And motivation by the standards of behaviors set up by the verses. It takes time and effort to explore relationships to the point of being able to apply the motivating behaviors of Love, and show others God’s love before your own. But first, the realization must set in that God loves you in this way, and that God does not ask you to change, His love just changes your perspective on all things. And you change. (this is not an overnight trip, BTW, God works in His own time. Sometimes, progress is slow)
I certainly don’t have perfect relationships, but I try to maintain honesty and integrity, and thoughtfulness. I want to live with Intrinsic Obligation: motivation based on what an individual thinks ought to be done. And here it is: Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Happy New Year!
God promises:
To listen whenever we care to engage Him in conversation
To work all things for good, regardless of our control attempts
To provide eternal rest through his son, Jesus
I have made promises before, I am not perfect at keeping them. As I have gotten older, I recognize what motivates me to keep my promises, and it is Love. Real love, not lust, not passion, not hey, I kind of like you, but sacrificing, I don’t want to change you Love. I am fortunate enough to have a huge variety of people in my life: Christian, Jewish, atheists, agnostics, some very religious, some anti religious. My faith is constantly tested, challenged, and heavily weighed in my own mind.
There are facets of modern Christianity that really make me angry, some I completely question, and some areas I totally fail in. I attempt to live a thoughtful, creative life consistent with the mind and life I have been graciously given. I fail even at this. I desire good, and believe good motivates most people. I am honestly surprised when ill intentions are revealed and even then I attempt to find some good in the bad choices.
I become overwhelmed with what people think of me, how they think of me, and why they think of me. Sometimes this motivates my behavior, and it is an honest yet ugly thing. But it is human.
My resolution this year is to be motivated by Love, not self.
God sets us up for this beautifully in Corinthians 13. I had lots of time to ruminate on these words when I worked for the archdiocese of Chicago and listened to the same homily week after week at wedding after wedding. Aha! It’s about God. And Perfect Love. And motivation by the standards of behaviors set up by the verses. It takes time and effort to explore relationships to the point of being able to apply the motivating behaviors of Love, and show others God’s love before your own. But first, the realization must set in that God loves you in this way, and that God does not ask you to change, His love just changes your perspective on all things. And you change. (this is not an overnight trip, BTW, God works in His own time. Sometimes, progress is slow)
I certainly don’t have perfect relationships, but I try to maintain honesty and integrity, and thoughtfulness. I want to live with Intrinsic Obligation: motivation based on what an individual thinks ought to be done. And here it is: Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Happy New Year!
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